Monday, February 18, 2013

Facing Fear

I am a fearful person. Always have been. I just told a dentist the other day that "it's my normal state. If I were a dog, I'd be a Chiahuahua." She smiled, but I don't think she got the joke.

I'm working on a BIG project. So big, that it was given to me and taken away twice, with it ultimately landing in my lap. I've signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I can't talk about it or even hint, but it has the potential to be HUGE. And I'm freaked out. Because I now and always have believed that I'm not good enough.

And once this thing is "out there", people will know that I'm not good enough. And I can't bear that.

So I'm writing it out. What am I afraid of?

--looking stupid

--fucking up (which I've already done once on this project, moderately)

--Never working in this biz again.

--looking stupid or ridiculous

OK. I think I've nailed that down. I'm immobilized from starting because I'm afraid I'll look stupid.

Am I capable? Yes.

Have I already completed work on this project? Yes.

Do I have the reference materials I need to check that I'm on the right track? Yes.

Is my computer and internet connection working? Yes.

Well, it seems everything is in place. I just need to, well, do it.

Anxiety sucks.

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