I am a fearful person. Always have been. I just told a dentist the other day that "it's my normal state. If I were a dog, I'd be a Chiahuahua." She smiled, but I don't think she got the joke.
I'm working on a BIG project. So big, that it was given to me and taken away twice, with it ultimately landing in my lap. I've signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I can't talk about it or even hint, but it has the potential to be HUGE. And I'm freaked out. Because I now and always have believed that I'm not good enough.
And once this thing is "out there", people will know that I'm not good enough. And I can't bear that.
So I'm writing it out. What am I afraid of?
--looking stupid
--fucking up (which I've already done once on this project, moderately)
--Never working in this biz again.
--looking stupid or ridiculous
OK. I think I've nailed that down. I'm immobilized from starting because I'm afraid I'll look stupid.
Am I capable? Yes.
Have I already completed work on this project? Yes.
Do I have the reference materials I need to check that I'm on the right track? Yes.
Is my computer and internet connection working? Yes.
Well, it seems everything is in place. I just need to, well, do it.
Anxiety sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment