I did get an email from my advisor late last night, but just read it today. She was very kind, and said she was sorry to see me go, but understood that if I had found my dream job in this economy I should grab it. She also addressed my difficulty with the online program--she said it just does not work for some people. The professors had indicated that our cohort was "exceptional," so they're sorry to lose me.
I wish I could be as exceptional as they "thought" I was. I just don't have it in me. I felt like I was trapped in one of those snow globes, and it had been shaken, and information was raining down on me from every direction, swirling around my head, and me, unable to take in any of the information. That's how I felt.
I'm happy with the direction things are going with my life, however. My anxiety level has slowly gone down this week, mostly because big name author is not upset and I still have a job. I've said it other places and to other people--I'm an easy frazzle. I frazzle easily and quickly. I know that about myself. I cannot work and go to school--as I've aged, and my health as deteriorated, I cannot work and go to school. My body and my psyche just can't handle it. I thought this time I would figure it out as I went. HA!
Just going forward from here on. Nothing else I can do. Feeling good about the choices I've made.
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Response to comment from HD (for some reason, I cannot leave comments on my own blog. Urgh!)
I was just consistently lost--I didn't feel engaged or a part of something, which is odd because I have taken online classes before, but only one at a time--not a whole program. And the online classroom environments were clunky and difficult to maneuver in, and I screwed up regularly. Really rough on the ol' self-esteem.
I wanted it so much, I didn't really think about the logistics as much. I just thought it would be "fine."
WRONG.
I don't know if I'll ever go for an advanced degree. I was in school one way or another for 27 years--not including high school--and I think I might actually be tired of school. Imagine that. *snort*
Thanks for letting me make up my own mind.
XO
Well, since you've now made your decision, I will say what I hadn't said before, for obvious reasons: I can think of NOTHING more deadly than an online graduate program. I don't care what the discipline is -- it would not be riveting to me, and I wouldn't do it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I speak as one who uses online components in her own courses. But still. Would. Not. Do. It.