And We're Off....

Class started last Wednesday, but nothing was really going on except some readings because both instructors were out of town. That's kind of a misnomer because this is an Internet-based program, but essentially, because they are out of town, they don't have time to engage fully in the course (all that stuff professors/teachers do that we don't see, like prepping and grading and meetings etc.).

So I'm of two minds right now:

1. Overwhelmed

2. Not really liking the Internet-based format.

Uh, yeah.

Maybe I'm getting old because I like to read things on paper and then mark them up. I went to print out a reading and it is 47 pages. Ouch! My printer eats ink like I (used) to eat donuts, so I jealously guard what it is I print--it needs to be really important. I like to write on paper because then I have a visual as well as a kinetic memory of whatever it is I'm trying to remember, because my memory sucks. It sucks so badly that it frightens me.

Evidently quite a bit of this program is collaborative, i.e., what in undergrad they call "group work."  I hate group work. I know a lot of people hate group work, but I really hate it. Not just because the bulk of "my group" never does their share, but because I am a solitary person. I like being alone. In fact, I'm happy being alone. I have few close friends, and a lot of acquaintances. I am not only a person with trust issues, but I just like being alone. I don't like collaborating. I like working alone. I don't want to be part of anyone's rah rah fucking team. Part of the reason I wasn't successful at either Tupperware sales (love Tupperware) or MaryKay sales (which I also love). I'm not a Kool-aid sucker, and I have trouble faking it when I'm supposed to be happy with something that doesn't actually make me happy. I'm a skeptic, a cynic, and not a joiner.  Of course, it is easier to fake appreciation or courtesy on the net--especially if I think over what it is I want to say first. So I don't, you know, put my foot in my mouth.

I feel overwhelmed because there's all this fucking technology--which I like--but it seems like I'm having trouble finding my way around--why? Because I can't remember where I'm supposed to be. It takes me a couple of bookmark clicks before I find where I need to be, sometimes. And that frustrates me and pisses me off.

But here's the thing:  I've already accepted the student loans, including the large refund (which was part of my plan to support us/myself if I hadn't found a job). Well, my dream job has appeared on the horizon, and work has picked up. A lot. That is what I want to do. The MA program was more of a "just in case / holy shit I have no actual skills / I'm not doing anything else / I can get some loans."

But I feel committed for the semester. I feel I owe it to myself, my peers, and the program to make a sincere effort for this semester, at the minimum.  It's already become fairly clear that I'm an idiot (see previous posts), I just hate for it to get any worse (because it will. Oh yes, it will.)

So I guess I'm just here whining and complaining and kvetching and procrastinating when I should be doing some schoolwork. *sigh*

I'm off to read some PDF files. *rolleyes* As if I weren't already blind.

Prep-Course...DONE!!

Whew, the last two units weren't as long combined as unit 7 by itself. Jeeeeeesuz!  So they are all done. In looking at my feedback on my submissions, I miss-read a few directions. That is typical of an ADD person who also has visual scrambling (I forget what the technical name for it is. Anyone?), so I tend to skip over things and not notice nuances. As I worked my way through the units, I intentionally went very slow, read directions several times, slowly, and on occasion, printed out directions. I also went back and forth if something was unclear for me.

I also made sure to have a quiet, organized space in which to work. I just need one or two more things and it'll be perfect. I really like where I have my desk in front of the window. It's going to be cool when it starts snowing.

So I got all 100% on all the quizzes--yay! and 10 points on all my submissions but one (although I think she's cutting me some slack on it and giving me the full 10 pts), because I misread the directions. When the TA contacted me about fixing it, I had no clue what she was talking about. And I told her so--I did not understand what she was talking about.  I needed to post a subject from an email header from the school admin. I didn't catch the "admin" part, and just submitted the subject line from the University itself. I missed that small detail. And that's how it is for my brain. It's been like this all my life, and it's not going to change. All I can do to mitigate it is what I said above--go slow, read more than once, print out directions with more than two steps, and review before submitting. It makes me a slow-worker/writer, but that's just how it's got to be.

But it makes me feel stupid sometimes.

Gaining Ground

Life threw me a curve the last week or so, and I've been busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. No kidding!

My financial aid showed up in my bank account on Thursday so that entailed shopping on my part for books, supplies, etc., including a new task chair. I've been sitting on a dining room chair at my new desk, previously at the dining room table, and my office space upstairs on a folding camping chair. Back, ass, and leg problems ensued any time I spent any length in front of the computer. Ouch.

So I've been looking for over a month now, waiting to find just the right chair. I came close at Office Max last week, but I wanted one that is adjustable in height, seat tilt, and back support. I decided I needed a second person to help me walk through my decision, and although he spent most of the trip in the bathroom *ahem* I found one I loved--loved--at Staples, and it was $50- off. And they put it together for me for only $8-. I picked it up today. Office Max charges $20- to put together a chair. Just something to keep in mind.

But I have "IN" boxes, folders--one for each class and one for my NEW job as a project manager (working from home); a stand for my printer so that I can store printer paper and other items underneath; pens, paper, post-it notes, page markers, printer ink, folder holders, a Rubbermaid rolling filing cabinet that slips under my desk--I just got it all sorted out this evening--textbooks, and a USB headset with a mic (and mute button) because, again, my course is all done online. Fortunately there are only two textbooks, but one of them was $100!! OW!! The other was only $22- and I can use it for years (APA stylebook).

I also bought some shit I needed (and didn't need *coughpedicurecough*) and took care of some bills and things that got put off much too long, and made sure to put a huge lump aside to pay bills in the event my NEW job doesn't pay dick. I still need to meet with the owner this week and sign a contract.

I also have been helping my husband prep for his NEW job, also. One he's been trying for for a long, long time. WITH benefits that start September 1. *fingerscrossed*  We have no idea what type of benefits are offered, but we'll both know by the end of the week.

But....the good news is, I just finished unit 6, out of 9, of my pre-class, tech prep course. Classes start on Wed, officially, and I hope to knock out the last three units tomorrow. My plan is to spend my whole day, butt planted in seat in front of computer, finishing up. There's a huge unit on accessing the library via the net. I'm very excited about that.

I am nervous about class starting, I think that's normal, but this is such a HUGE step for me. I never really seriously considered grad school before....well, before I finished my undergrad degree a few years ago, anyway. And there is a lot of collaborative learning and tasks in the program. I really hate that--I think a lot of people do--but it's become very popular in the workplace. I'm one of those people who is either totally in charge, running the show, or sitting back and letting someone else do it and just do what I'm told. As an undergrad, I usually took a back seat and let the youngsters run the show because I had a lot more experience than they did and they needed the experience more than I did (although not always).

This is different. I need to find the "middle way"; not in charge, not a follower, either, but someone in the middle who contributes, brainstorms, participates, and builds consensus. Yes, that last bit was taken right out of a PDF file I read tonight. But it's true. I need to play nice with others. Sometimes that's hard for me. I'm a solitary person who is very happy spending large quantities of time alone. It's my preference. My sister is just the opposite--she loves to be around people. And why she has a huge group of close friends, and I have just a handful of close friends. I know lots of people, but I don't easily or quickly open up to people I don't know or just met, i.e., don't trust. That's just how I am. So I'll be stepping outside my comfort zone albeit on the net.

Good thing we've got plenty of alcohol in the house. :-D And those anxiety meds may be doing overtime in the weeks and months to come.

Integrity Means Admitting When You Fuck Up

This is an email I sent to one of the program administrators for grad school. She was exceedingly kind when she wrote back. (Thank Gawd.)--

Dear Jane,

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm starting to feel like a horse's patoot. I'm generally very tech savvy, but I think my problem here--and it is MY problem--is disorganization.

I was unprepared for the overwhelming amount of email I get from Q, R, S, T and Y, and associated other groups, and I was filing them all under "Q" in my yahoo folders.

THEN....yesterday, yahoo decided to convert my 6-year-old email account to it's new, more Google-like version, and I couldn't find anything. I got "Open House" confused with "Orientation." Regardless,

I couldn't find the link for the Open House.

So I opened a new gmail account that is ONLY for XYZU, and I have multiple folders, by type, (i.e., career resources, student group x, conferences, etc.) and  will be transitioning over throughout this week. I am also going to put the link for each live event I want to attend into my Outlook Calendar--I used this with great success in my work environment, I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me to use it for school. Thanks for the tip.

And lastly, I have ADD. It's not like it was when I was a child, but I still wrangle with it daily. Generally my plan is to use the OHIO function:  Only Handle It Once. And because it's summer, and I just started a new job, I let my emails get out of control. So, I am, in effect, a horse's patoot.

I will endeavor to be less of one, because this program is very important to me.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Jewels

Well, It's Confirmed

I am a horse's ass.

We had a welcome orientation / online meet 'n greet tonight. I went to the pool about 4pm, set a timer for 45 minutes, got home with ten minutes to spare, got logged in...and the link wouldn't load. I tried multiple browsers, but evidently, once you click on the link? It disappears. Forever. It's a one time invitation only. So I missed orientation.

I called tech support, but they leave at 4:30pmPST, and this was at 5:30pmPST.

I emailed my advisor but, of course, she was hosting the event and was otherwise engaged.

Fuck.

But it was recorded, so my advisor sent me the link to the recording and I watched it. I wish I could have been there.

I also need a headset with a mic. Be picking that up by the weekend, hopefully.

*Whew* Class Taken

Now I can move foreward in the tech prep class.

Except for one little teeny tiny thing.

It's down. Probably until tomorrow.

The best laid plans, my friends.....

The Importance of Making a Good First Impression

Especially when starting a new job or, I don't know, grad school. The first impression I made was as an ass. An idiot. A numbskull.

In order to sign up to re-take the tech orientation class, which is only offered LIVE, I had to out myself to the program administrator so she could get me into another class. *sigh*

Oh, did I not mention that to proceed in the tech prep course, I need to take this live training class? No. Well, I do. So I can't move forward until I take. the. darn. class.

It reminds me of the time I worked in accounts payable for a big plumbing manufacturer [Hint:  Pfabulous!], and it was my turn to get the checks signed once they were printed, and we had this machine, the keys to which had to be checked out from the payroll department. So the checks were printed on Thursdays, and came in a big stack. Before I ran them through the check signing machine, I had to separate out any checks over $10,000 dollars. Above that was a tangle of required hand signatures depending on the amount.

Well, aside from the fact that I really hated that job (accounting? Hello?), I was tired. I  loaded the checks in the machine--it had these sprockets that would fit into the sides of the checks, hit start, and I stood there as zip-zip-zip all the checks ran through the check signing machine. As I watched the last check disappear into the machine, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't removed the checks over $10,000 from the stack. (The checks ran from lowest to highest, in order).

So I'm standing there, holding the payroll check, which is for $700,000--and this was in 1994--and a shiver ran through my body and all my hairs stood up on end, because I realized that was probably the most money I would ever hold in my hands at one time, ever.

And it was signed by the machine.

So I had to think. Can I cover this up? No.
Can I hide it? No.
Can I change it? No.
Can I play stupid? What checks? No.

Nothing to it but to confess. I had to rat myself out.

And everyone had a really good laugh at my expense, particularly because of my distress and having to go to the president of this company and tell him what happened AND get his signature for the $700K check. He was cool about it, too.

But I always felt like an idiot. "Oh, there she goes, Jewels, the one who ran all the checks through the signing machine. Idiota!" LOLOL

And that's how I feel about missing the class I'd signed up for. *pfah*

Maybe I am an idiot. But I want so much not to be one.  Maybe that's impossible. It's a character defect, a flaw. Maybe I should embrace my uniqueness and special snow-flakiness as I stand out in the universe!!!

Nah. I blew it. That's all there is to it. And try not to blow it again. At least in not such an obvious way. *ugh*

1 Unit Tech Prep Course

So I'm moving along in the tech prep course. I'm learning a lot of things that I not only need to learn, but that I want to learn. And combined with a new "job" I started recently, I'm learning a whole lot of new technology. The hours just fly by in front of the computer. I love it.

I did miss a live class tonight on another program we'll be using regularly because I thought today was Wednesday--the class was on Thursday (today)--and so even though I had a big post-it note on the corner of my laptop, I missed the live class. And I was sitting right here.  That's why it sucks to be me, sometimes. My brain doesn't function in a linear way. It is recorded, so I can still take the class, but it won't be live with other classmates. *sigh*

Regardless, the last two weeks have been very good. Should I say it? Or did I just jinx it? *fingerscrossed*

Get This...

I'm taking a prep course on technology--because the whole program is based online--it's 1 unit, pass or fail, and part of that is to create a blog. LOLOL  Oh my. That's funny.

What's different here, for me, is that it had to be created on WordPress. I had never used WordPress before and found it a little less intuitive/easy to get around. It will just take time to get used to, that's all. It does have some really beautiful themes, I liked that a lot. Nothing as pretty as this purple one, here, but still, I picked a nice one.

No, I'm not going to list it here, it's just primarily for posting stuff about class, so it's for my professors, instructors, and classmates only. Sorry. But this blog? This is where I spill my guts about school. So you're not missing anything.

So, out of the nine units in this course, I've completed two. I figure if I do two a day over the next week, I'll have it knocked out well in advance of when actual class starts.

And I need to tie up all my reading-for-pleasure books, also. That has always been my strict rule:  No fiction reading during the semester (Not including holidays.).

I still haven't received my IM invitation--whatever!! and there are only 22 of us in the program. Huh.

Is It Me?

More up-fuckery from new university.

I was supposed to receive an "invitation" to sign up for a school "chat" program, and I did not receive one. Through the universities page on that information, I requested help from tech support. They told me I needed to contact whoever is in charge of that. Uh, I thought you were?

So I've emailed my advisor and the tech class coordinator.

I realize this is a big univeristy, but there are only 35 of us, if that, in this program. It shouldn't be that complex.

And I'm supposed to have a headset with microphone. Great! I'll buy one soon as I get my aid. Until then, I hope you can read lips.

*&%#$@+!

Wobbling.

This past week was quite hectic. I was ill, the cat was ill and had to go to the vet, a big freelance project appeared out of nowhere with a short deadline....and I was supposed to start taking a technology class for my program.

I even got an email from the program coordinator asking me if everything was all right. Even though, technically, although the class was available starting August 1, it is not required to be started until the first day of class, and there are four weeks in which to finish it.

Well, of course I wanted to take advantage of the extra four weeks, so I set aside this weekend to get caught up on the (50-fuckin'-million e-mails they send out every day) tutorials and the class units. Well guess what?  I can't find my username or log in. I've been in the particular program that I need to access, so I have a login name and pw--and a quick  note:  I have four different passwords that I use. That's it. I move them around, use certain passwords for certain things, others for different things, but I always use the same four passwords. And I rely, too heavily I admit, on Firefox to store them for me. So if I don't get a password on the first try--I rotate through the other three, and that usually gets it.

But here, the password is not the problem:  It's the username. I'm fairly certain I used a version of my name, either with or without my middle initial, and supposedly they will e-mail me my username. Ugh, neither version is recognizable. WTF?  I know my memory is bad, but it's not that bad. Is it? And I usually email important stuff like this to myself so I have a copy of it in case of situations just like this. I looked all through my email, and it's not there. It's just gone. The program folder I have on the desktop is empty--wiped out when I got that virus in late May, early June. And it's not on my flash drive. *stupid--hitshead*

So I emailed the tech dept that handles this program explaining that I just can't remember my username/pw. Please help.  I heard nothing all day--maybe they don't work weekends?--and I emailed the coordinator and told her the same thing--nothing there, either.

But that's not what's making me wobble:  It's this:  A job offer. A job I've dreamt of, coveted, and trained for. I'm going to meet with one of the owners next week and we'll talk details, and I really like her. A lot. We have the same taste in politics, religion, and books. The golden triangle. LOL  And I can be myself. She said one of the reasons she wanted to hire me is because I'm "honest."  I try to be, I really do, even when it's painful. She also said that she and her partner were so happy to find someone like me because she didn't know there were any "people like me."  Music to my ears. And I can work at home. *thankyoujesusjosephandmary* No more fuzzy cubicles or being timed in the bathroom. Huzzah!

So it brings up the question:  Do I still need and want to go to grad school? Until I meet with her, and determine just exactly what being "hired" entails, I'm acting under the assumption that I will be continuing with grad school. It's two classes, albeit grad level and I have no experience in that arena--yet. The highest I got in undergrad was English 464, the American Novel, focused on Faulkner and Toni Morrison, and taught by the English Chair who himself was originally from China, not a native speaker of English, loved English and American Lit, and went to Harvard. He was kind, he was thorough, he was tough. He gave me a B+. I adore him. (Can you tell?)

My husband asked me what I was going to do. I said I thought I would at least do one semester and then reevaluate. The big question is, will I be able to do it? I mean physically. Will I have the physical stamina and endurance to work and take two graduate level classes. Fortunately, I don't have to answer that question today. Or tomorrow. Or this week even.

But I would at least like an opportunity to take that 1 unit tech class. (Send me my username, dammit!)

***Update***

Thanks to "H" for tipping me off on how to regain entrance into the "sanctum." :-)

One of These Schools is Not Like the Other

*DISAPPOINTMENT*

I just talked to the Bursar's office at new university, and they don't distribute book loans until the first week of school. BOOO!!  That means I have to wait to purchase my books, which I probably won't be able to get used copies on Amazon or at the school bookstore so I'll have to pay full price. And Ow. Ow. Ow.

What's up with that??

Neither USC nor Chico State did that. I always was able to buy my books in advance.

And here's a thought:  Why not post that up on your web page instead of "processed in 1-5 days?"  Huh.

Well, that sucks.

Moving on. Next thing on the agenda!!