Decision Made

I paid it. Phone, with the same number, and Internet will be back on Thursday morning. Hallelujah.

With the extra money my friend loaned me, I stocked up on groceries, had a nice Mexican seafood dinner for Christmas, paid the balance of the rent, and turned on the phone and Internet. TV? We don't really need it. We can see nearly everything we want on the Internet, and I now know how to stream movies from my laptop to the TV, including DVDs. Heh.

And I still have $100- left over, and I got my first paycheck for the new gig in the mail on Saturday, the second one should be on its way, also. That will be half a month of rent. Woot.

So I'm feeling a bit better about things today. But honestly, if I didn't have a good, good friend who has a little extra money? We would be so fucked, seriously. I don't even want to think about it. I'll start paying him back in February because I found out last night there should be more work starting on Wednesday morning. *exhale*

My husband's unemployment ended yesterday. But at $53- a week, we won't really be missing it that much. He's applied for 26 teacher jobs since the 16th, but school is out until later this week or next week depending on the district.

I'm urging him to apply for anything and everything, even if it's just for a month, to bring in some cash. He's always had his mommy and daddy there to bail him out when he gets in trouble, but now the in-laws are having financial troubles of their own. But that sense of entitlement and enabling he's used to does not incite the proper urgency or importance of getting off his ass and doing something NOW. If he keeps this up....well, I'm almost to the breaking point.

But me? I'm a survivor. I know how to survive. But I can't do it for two people. And I won't.

Come on 2013--I refuse to believe she'll be worse than 2012.

Decisions, Decisions

I can't make up my mind. Do I pay the $220- we owe the cable company to get the Internet and land line phone turned back on, both of which I need for work, OR do I save the money for rent and other bills?

Right now I'm riding my neighbor's unsecure WiFi connection (i.e. stealing) plus the guilt factor ugh, and it's not that reliable. I need reliable for work. I also went over my minutes for the first time, EVER, this month, but mostly because I was making a lot of calls for work. And my husband used it. A lot. So I need an unlimited monthly phone.

I'm owed about $300- from one editing gig and have $200- more on the way from a the new gig, got one check today for $150-, and have over $300- in the bank. I'm inclined to pay it just for the reliability and the whole not-stealing-from-my-neighbor thing.

Gah. I can't decide. I need to think on this some more. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? Anyone?

If I Were a Business Owner...

I may be a WiFi stealer (and lord, let that be the worst of my sins), but if I were a business owner, I would make sure any contractors, employees, or people who depended on me for a living (janitors, housecleaners, mechanics, etc.), I would make sure that they all received any money due them before Christmas. I would. That would be my focus for one or two days of the business month. Pay all my workers.

My father owned his own business for over 30 years, and when I told him about the issues getting monies owed from this client, he was incredulous. He was a good businessman, and a kindhearted soul, and his employees got a $50- bonus at Christmas, plus a Honey-Baked Ham, for every year they worked for him. One guy was there over 25 years, so he would get $1250-. As someone who grew up desperately poor, he knew that the difference between one payday and the next could be a long, long wait.

Alas, this is not the case for one employer/client I have. I have not received a dime this month, not one thin dime, even though I know one of my clients, whose project finished two weeks ago, made a deposit in November. I've not received it. I'm the only person working on the project. She also paid the balance before Friday as she flew out of town yesterday for Christmas. She's so delighted with my work and help for her, she's taking me to lunch next Friday. Does that sound like an unhappy client? No. Because I care and I go above and beyond what is requested, because people matter to me, and because I understand.

I'm disappointed, but not surprised.

Merry effin' Christmas.

How's the New Gig Going?

It's brutal. I'm not kidding. I've lost those production typist muscles that I had built up for most of my work life, and sitting in front of a computer all day manipulating cells and rows and lines of text, has played havoc with my back and shoulders....but...I had a very satisfied sense of accomplishment that only continued to grow with each day I worked.

Over the last two weeks, ending on Wednesday of this week, I worked about 35 hours in total in addition to juggling two other clients whose needs were not demanding, but the timing was sort of off. And for which I have no idea when I'll be paid. *rolleyes* Whatever.

Working with my college friend has been a dream. We are on the same wavelength and communicate very well. We Skype, IM, and email each other as we work because I'm being trained and have lots of questions, but also because sometimes we just want to be silly with each other. That makes me feel comfortable and it makes it easier for me to learn and do my job.

Not having Internet here at home, and riding on our neighbor's open wifi has been problematic, both in terms of use and ethics--I hated when people would steal my wifi, and I hate to do it to someone else, but our financial situation left me with no choice. But on Tuesday the wifi, which had been spotty all week, went out completely and I ended up at Starbucks for about seven hours. My ass and backs of my legs were numb and hurt all night--I had trouble sleeping, so that just won't work. I work well in my reclining chair with my laptop on my lap, and it turns out my friend also works in a reclining chair. :D Funny.

Anyway, I mention this because I hope to have our Internet connection here at home resolved in the next few days and turned back on, and guilt and apologies to my neighbor. Ugh.

So I made several hundred dollars over those two weeks, I connected with my friend, I have learned a lot about this particular field, and I have learned a lot about Excel, which I both love and hate, and I have gained satisfaction from doing something right. You can't buy that.

Unfortunately, due to the holiday season, work has dried up. I had been hired to handle overflow for my friend, and well, we did it all. And things are just slow this time of the year. But, with any luck, work will pick up after the holidays, and I can go back to making a little extra money, learning, and building those shoulder muscles again.

Peace. Merry Christmas.

Now I Can Tell You: Good News!

I got a new gig. A work-at-home gig. This one will have regular hours, however, and I'll probably work Sunday through Thursday.

A friend of mine from college contacted me about a week ago asking if I needed work and would I be interested in doing x,y,z editing. I said I would. I finally connected with the owner today, we talked about 15 minutes, and she said she would talk to my friend about getting me trained asap. Yay!

The pay is crap, but its 100% more than I'm getting now (right?).

The work is dull. But...

The owner of the business pays EVERY WEEK. Fanfuckingtabulous!!!

I start training on Wednesday, so I hope to get 8 hours Wed and 8 Thurs and maybe another 8 on Friday if I don't screw up. :D

Hallelujah.

I can still do the book editing on the side (since there's so little of it, that even a big book I could do at night, and then wait three months to get paid. *rolleyes*)

So finally, yeah. Good news.

Things have been rough here lately, really rough. Not third-world terms, but still, rough. It's all about perspective.

I have some things and goals I want to do and accomplish once I get a steady income stream going, one might be really dramatic. We'll see.

So there's the good news. And on a Monday, too.

Thank you angels.

Maybe...?

I may have some good news, perhaps as soon as tomorrow. *fingerscrossed* I'll post then. Hee hee.

I Can See Clearly Now

I had another one of those idiot e-mail exchanges with the demented partner of the company I work for. And I'm tired of it. I think after the holidays, I'm going to have a sit-down with the other partner, my boss/friend, and tell her I have a concern over Ms. A's memory issues. It's seriously a problem. Dealing with her is like going to a nursing home and dealing with an invalid. Either that or she assumes I either already know something that I don't, or that I don't know something that I do--so big assumptions are being made. Even being blunt, "I have no idea what that means," does not get me the right answer from this person. *shrugshoulders* It's like playing charades with someone who does not share a language with me. I'm SO over it.

My husband may have a line on some work out of state. If he does, I'll be in a position to have more leverage to say, "I'm done." If boss/friend is upset or angered or disturbed by my conversation with them in January, I can say "I can't work like this. Unless an author asks for me, I'd just rather not have to deal with it any more, or work only with you." I need to polish that a bit, but that's what I mean.

I'm ready to walk away, if it comes to that. I have enough skills to work on my own, I just don't have the clients, so I'll have to build up my own clientele. I don't have a problem with that, either. Also, There is a very, very good chance that with the reality of extra money coming in, we can move to California. Somewhere in the suburbs of Sacramento. *fingerscrossed* I'm ready to go. I really like where we live now, but our unit is getting smaller and smaller every day, even as we throw away, put in storage, or donate more stuff. It's just too small. And I'd like a yard to do some gardening and let our pets run around in. So yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

I received the manuscript for one of the gigs I've been waiting on. The client is still waiting for the cover art back from the designer, but if I get it formatted before then, when it comes back, I can compress the photo, insert it, and upload for publication. *bam* it's done, and this client always pays quickly. Yes, this is my third project for this client. I really like her, she's professional and thorough, and her stories are really good.

So that's where we are today. A teeny tiny miniscule beam of light on the horizon.

No Work

I have no work, therefore no money in the pipeline.

I had four jobs lined up, but all four have withered up. One had their own financial problems, and the $1,000 deposit I've been expecting since the last week of September, along with the contract for services, have not arrived. And I don't know when they will. Mostly because the client doesn't know. And they had contacted me in September stating they were ready to move forward with their project.

Two clients wrote that they feel like they need to spend more time with their manuscript, but they'll get back to me after Thanksgiving.

And the last one? I've heard nothing.

I have one final project I'm managing, and the proofs are here for the author, but I need to drive across town and hand it to them--I think I'll send R tomorrow. It looks great to me. I don't know how much I'm getting paid for this gig, although I've already received $50- last month, because the spreadsheets of payments for projects from this vendor does not include fees for what I'm doing. When I asked Ms. Alzeheimer, she said, "Don't worry; you'll get paid."

Huh.

So, things are bad here at our house. The TV / Land Line / Internet are off. I either go somewhere with free WiFi (McDonald's, Denny's, Starbucks, etc.), or we ride on an open WiFi from one of our neighbors. Niiiiiiice. Not proud of that. I asked our cable company for a 48 hour extension on paying our bill, and they said no. Unbelievable. So we've decided to do without (for now).

My husband, who is unemployed, gets the last of his unemployment pay on December 29th, so that may get us through the middle of January. If he doesn't get a job soon, we are Fucked. No doubt about it.

I have an iron in another fire, but I don't wish to talk about it in public. But it won't come before January either.

So to say I'm a bit down in the dumps is an understatement.

My whole life has been like this, and I'm so fucking sick of it.

The Beat Goes On...

Last month, I received an e-mail from a client whose blog, seven months ago, I had helped clean up and purtify.

Last month, she wrote me saying that she wanted to hire me because her blog was being inundated with spam--thousands of spams--in the comments.

I wrote to my boss, the ball-dropper (BD) *ahem* and asked her how I should proceed. She told me to wait and she would get back to me. She did the next day saying that she and the writer had been communicating, and that they were not ready to move forward with their next book until closer to Thanksgiving. A contract had been mailed for the author to sign (she is not tech savvy and can't do HelloFax or attachments.).

I wondered about the blog spam, but when I didn't hear from the author or BD, I figured that it was taken care of. Until today.

Yep, author has written me still wanting assistance with the spam on her blog. *rolleyes*

So I forwarded the email to the Alzheimer's queen with a question, "was the blog spam issue addressed?"

So, now what do I do? Help the client, for free, to keep her business? Punt it to ball-dropper (who has already dropped it once)? I don't know what to do. I'm inclined to fix her blog just because she's a nice person and so am I, and I could fix it in five minutes.

I fucking hate this. It's just ridiculous.

The saddest part is that I've come to expect this behavior as normal. *argh*

Holy Crap!!

I called my briend this morning to tell her my internet was down and I didn't know when it would come back up, so if she needed to get in contact with me, she'd need to call the land line. My cell phone, laptop, and e-reader all run on the Wi-Fi.

While we were talking, she told me that she and the other owner of the company I work for spent about a month talking about closing the business.

*OhSNAP*

I think the bookkeeping problems have become overwhelming for them. So they're having a meeting with their accountant this week and hopefully can get some things straightened out and re-strategized, because right now, in addition to enjoying the work, this is the only income I've got going on at the moment. *gulp*

I think to really make this work, they need to relinquish some duties and some control to others and not try to do everything themselves. Delegation is a learned skill. There's a certain amount of trust involved.

I did NOT see that coming.

Gittin' 'er Done

So in-between not whining and carrying on about how shitty I feel and sleeping WAAAAY too much, I managed to convert a book for e-reader (which is 3 conversions--for Nook, Kindle, and Smashwords [which is everything else not Nook or Kindle]), and project manage a new cover for a former client who published an e-book last year and is now doing her print book.

The cover came out FABULOUS and the artist I worked with was so talented and so thoughtful and listened to my requests, and I'm so excited for the author. I'm going to change the cover of the e-book, too, once the paper version is published.

I also got rid of some crap in the living room, packed some stuff up to go to storage--we need to find a new one, bigger and cheaper, if possible--and I am going to do some baking later (I SO love having a working oven again!), and maybe a crockpot soup (potato), and then maybe tackle the dining room.

So I have managed to get some things done even though, well, I feel crappy. It's either that or be a lump. I don't want to be a lump. So I do what I can.

I woke up today with a gnarly backache, even my shoulders hurt. The slat at the end of our bed has come off--again. So the bed then tilts downhill. Not comfortable AT ALL. We purchased our mattress five years ago, brand new from the store, and quite frankly, it has not held up as well as we'd both hoped it would. I'm very disappointed. We got a $1300- mattress set on sale for around $800+. I had an Ortho mattress last over 12 years before I replaced it with a used Queen set a friend sold me for $200-. That lasted well over 10 years. Very, very disappointing. I'm going to check the manufacturer again because I won't be buying it again.

And finally, I have two gigs coming up, both repeat authors so I'm making a name for myself, and one of them I'm VERY excited about. This author holds a special place in my heart. I just love their work. I can't wait to get started on it.

*fingerscrossed*

Bad...Everything Day. Week.

Well, I've felt like crap all week. A lot. Throbbing pains in my right leg, calf, ankle, and foot like being hit by an electric cattle prod (or how I imagine one feels. I've never actually been electrically prodded). Then I had a crisis with one of my paid projects, and I called my interviewer to reschedule my appointment. I got her voicemail. I should have given her my cell phone. I forget to check the land line voicemail.

She said she could see me at 2:30 on Thursday, so I called back--after 6pm when I got the message--and said 2:30 was fine, I would see her then.

I got up a little earlier than I normally do, dressed and prepared to go to the interview. Then it dawned on me to check the voicemail. Evidently she had called at 8:02am to tell me she had given the 2:30 time slot to someone else. She had a 1:45 appointment and that was it. It was 1:15.

My husband told me to hurry and finish dressing and we would fly...fly down the freeway to the interview (and then run errands after).

We get outside...and our van had a flat tire. I am not making this up. FLAT. TIRE. Freaking out ensued on both our parts. We calmed down and decided to take the other car, but something came loose underneath the front bumper after scraping over a cement parking stop and it drags on the ground when we drive. And it was dragging badly. We had just paid to have the brakes done on the van; there was no money to fix the other car. It was about this time that I noticed that it was 1:30pm, and there was no fucking way we could be 35 miles away in 15 minutes.

I threw up my arms in resignation and headed back into the house. We then had a debate on who was more of a loser, me or him. Me for assuming that the 2:30pm time slot was mine, him for not realizing that the van had a flat tire.

I called the woman I was to interview with to tell her I would not be at the 1:45pm appointment. She had no other slots available for interviews. I thanked her for the opportunity and that was it. I blew it.

We each sat quietly for a while surfing the Internet and contemplating our loserness. Then he found a place where he could get a replacement tire for low, low dollars, and he headed out to take care of that. And get stamps for some mail we had.

I decided I was not going to end the day a loser, and I hand-washed a sink full, FULL of dishes--the DW is out. We just want the landlady to get our rent check before we tell her it's on the fritz. And then I decided to clean the refrigerator. It hadn't been cleaned in a while. The glass shelves come out, but the kitchen is so small, that the door hits the cupboards on the opposite side and won't open all the way. I had a bitch of a time getting everything out and washed and then put back in. Overall, it took me over three hours to do everything. Something sticky had spilled and dripped to the bottom of the fridge, under the fruit and vegetable bins (which was a real Houdini trick to get those out and back in), and lots and lots and lots of cleaner, scrubbing, and judicious use of a Santoku knife.

By the time I was done, I was wet, sore, and just plain pooped. I was going to start on the dining room next, but I was out of steam.

But by G*d, I was a loser with a clean kitchen and refrigerator.

So self-fulfilling prophecy? Subconscious wish to fail? Fear of success? Moderate agoraphobia? Fear that I never feel well enough to get through even a day as a partially employed, work-at-home person? Or E) all of the above.

I've got to be realistic. My health is not that great. My good days when I feel ok are less than the bad days. I probably feel ok three or four days a month. Seriously. I am not good at recognizing my limits, but perhaps my body and/or subconscious do. I don't know if I could have made it to work every day. What kind of employee would I be? A sucky one.

It just sucks to be me. That's supposed to be funny. OK, not funny.

I'm still trying to figure out this "new" body of mine that just doesn't work as well as it used to. Jeesuz I'm tired.

***

In response to the commenter (I've got a ticket in as to why I can't reply to comments here on my blog):

Thank you. Your kindness and non-judginess throughout the years have been very sustaining. Hugs back. J.

Interview Tomorrow

And I feel like shit! Yay! Not.

I'm not nervous, interviews never bothered me too much in general, but I'm anxious about not looking like I don't feel like shit.

I want the job...but...I feel like shit.

I just hope I don't come off as a total idiot. "Hey man...like, butterflies, and trees, and we all can...look, a squirrel!"

LMAO

I've got my outfit picked out, I was going to get a haircut today but...say it with me now, "I feel like shit." So I'm going to put it up.

The Vice President is coming to town, and I was going to go on Monday, the date on my tickets, but he changed to tomorrow so he could attend Arlen Specter's funeral. I get it, but I can't go tomorrow. Sorry, Joe.

I'll let you know how it goes late tomorrow. After my nap.

I've Got an Interview

With a branch of the government. Woo hoo! It's next week. I've already got an outfit picked out in my head--have since I sent it off because I knew I would get an interview--really. It's been a while since I've had an interview so I need to review, but I feel very positive about this.

Woot!

Also, got paid for the July gig. It was about half what I expected, but then it was a short story and not a novel, so duh on me. But still. It will buy some groceries.

Lastly...still no contract for my author. I emailed again last night. I think that's five times now I've asked for a contract. WTF?

Had a Gig Yesterday

From my briend. An e-conversion. Slightly complex (links and backlinks); and I had it done in a few hours. Bam. $200-. Of course, I'll probably see it after Christmas. LOL But, every bit helps, right?

Also, I got an email from ELance, with whom I've been signed up for over a year and never had one gig, not one. The email today was an ebook conversion and print on demand publication for a fantasy trilogy that *first* needs to be translated into English from Hungarian (really!) and then edited.

Hungarian. Nowhere on my profile does it say I speak fucking Hungarian. I kinda' speak Spanish but I couldn't translate a novel in Spanish to English.

That site is almost worthless. I'm so glad I don't have to pay to be on it, because I would have canceled by now. LOL

Imagine That

I've spent the last three Saturdays assisting my b/riend in teaching an adult education class at the local community college on how to e-format your document, create a cover, and publish your e-book.

It was mostly seniors who were afraid of computers and weren't quite sure what to do with a mouse--one lady I sat next to thought that if you put the cursor next to a line of text or a graphic that it was Highlighted. I don't know why I couldn't get her to understand that. Sweet lady.

But it was a lot of fun and I learned a lot--the e-publishing environment changes, if not weekly, then daily. It really is that fast-paced.

I spent a lot of time getting up and down to help people yesterday, and man, my ankle was throbbing by the time I got home. I iced it, but it's still a little sore today

But the day went quickly and I had a ball in addition to learning all kinds of neat stuff.

I also need to buy Office 2010. Ouch. I've been putting it off as long as I can, but I'm going to have to buy it, and soon.

At any rate, when I got home yesterday evening, after also going to Pic-N-Sav (Big Lot's) for birdseed (VERY cheap!!), and then Trader Joe's for a couple of items, (ankle ow), there was a check for me in the mail. Yay! For more than I expected for one gig. I'm still waiting on the July gig. Otherwise, everyone has paid.

And my boss was kind enough to tell everyone in the class that if they wanted to pay to have their books e-formatted and published, that I would be the person to do it and everyone asked for a card!!! She said that because I met these people outside of the employer I'm contracted through, that I can freelance these and actually get paid more by not going through XYZ publishing. WOW. See what I mean? These are really nice people, they're bookkeeping is just in the stone ages. It doesn't change anything as to what my plans are, but yes, I will keep one foot in the pool because I do enjoy the work.

I then came home, collapsed, ate an apple, thought about dinner A LOT but was too tired and sore to get up, watched the season premiere of FRINGE (eh), and fell asleep for several hours in the living room. I got up at 11pm, went to bed, read for an hour or two, and then slept all day. Guess I was a tired gal.

Yesterday was a good day.

Still

This blog is turning into a place where I can vent my frustrations about my "job." Every job has them, I get it. But the payment problems are different...that's just...disorganization.

So now I'm back to my old complaint: Not getting follow-thru with my requests.

I have a client--my favorite, I confess--who is ready to publish book no. 2, and two weeks ago this person and I had a conversation about what he wanted to do with it, and I forwarded it to my boss to draw up and send him a contract. We used to do our own contracts, but starting in February, it has to be one of the two owners who draws them up. I always thought it was weird that they trusted me--a new contracter/employee--to draw up contracts. Whatever.

If you already guessed "still waiting on the contract," then you guessed right. Two weeks. No contract.

So I sent a reminder over to the publisher.

Getting SO tired of this.

My mood is not great, so everything like this, not going as planned, helps my mood plummet, but jeez. Really? Do I have to ask multiple times for everything? Maybe you take on too much and you need an assistant? *sigh*

And no, still not paid for July gig or mid-August gig. Whatever.

Two Checks Received...

...and banked. I'm still owed for two more projects, one which finished in July, and a second in August. It's not like I'm rolling in dough, but we did go straight to Lil Caesars and get a $5- pizza and some wings. (Foodies. Heh. It was a long day and I didn't feel like cooking. And we hadn't had pizza in months.)

But, my cell phone will be paid, the cable/net/landline fone will be paid, and enough left over to see the retinologist and oncologist in October. I also opened a savings account with one of those online banks--very difficult to get at your money there, so perhaps I'll be a better saver. That's my hope anyway.

I'm still done. Done freelancing. At least, with this particular organization as my only income stream. I'll still take a project here and there, just because I *do* enjoy it, but the light is on, and the coffee has boiled over about expecting to make a living doing this. I get it. At last.

So I've got two packages that went into the mail today for a two positions with the state--they have to be applied for separately, so all the same info, except the job title on page one of their application. I had to enclose the following:

--Their application (7 pages)

--Their questionnaire (5 pages of essay or short sentence answers)

--resume

--cover letter

--list of additional jobs with addresses and phone numbers

--references

--copy of editing certificate

--copy of diploma

I started it on Thursday, and finished it off today. I needed to look something up for one of the questions to complete the questionnaire. THEN I noticed that for my first package, a different position than package 2 but with all the same materials required, that the paper I'd printed them on had evidently had coffee spilled on it at some point because all of the pages had brown stains at the very bottom.

*blast*

New paper and re-print.

Re-package, go over checklist, carefully check everything is signed, yes, done.

Print postage using Stamps.com (another blog post about them another time).

Send husband to post office as deadline for apps is tomorrow.

Keep scouring the Internet looking for jobs--at this point, as long as I can sit down (back issues), I don't care what it is. Well, no call centers. EVER. Just...NO.

I'm also having a conversation tomorrow night with a dear friend who's run his own business for years, and perhaps about starting my own small business, officially, not just "work on the side," but an actual business. It should be an interesting conversation.

I saw one of my bosses yesterday as they are teaching a class at a community college nearby, adult education, in publishing, and I got to attend in order to help them and the other students in the class. They were all smiles and gratitude, and the money problem was not discussed. They did seem glad to see me, I'll say that.

Like I said, I'll continue to take projects until I find something with more solid ground under it, and then, after that, the occasional project for fun and extra $.

But the crazy-making waiting on the mailman bullshit is over.

***

Since for whatever reason, I am unable to leave responses to comments on my blog, I'm posting my response to HD here:

Yep. I've come to the same conclusion. It's time to move on, although I'll keep one toe in the water because I like the work and I do like my "briend", boss/friend.

But...moving on. Stepping back into the real world.

Jewels

Update

No response from either boss to my e-mail; however, an email from the bookkeeper stating that two checks came in today and they are on the way to me, clear across town. *snort*

One of them I wasn't expecting, so it's a bit more than I was counting on. And fab.

Now what?

Don't know.

I'll let you know when I do.

I Think I'm Done

This is the reply from the bookkeeper to my question about--where's the money. (I was much more polite, I promise).

I'm not sure what answer is, these were billed September 11-14. I know the customer has 30 days, but do they normally pay sooner?

So a project I finished, told my boss I finished, on July 18, was not billed for almost two months?? W.T.H?

It's almost like not having a job, but with all the frustration of having one. Now I'm crying.

I don't know what I want to say or do. So I'm going to wait. No, wait, I should write the other boss. No, No, I should wait. Hell, I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do. Ugh.

I have to (I want to) assist one of my bosses in a class this Saturday, and I'm interested in what we'll learn in the class, too, but between now and then? I need to think about this. Honestly, what will I lose?

Maybe I'll just be quiet until I get a new job.

*fingerscrossed*

BUT I AM SO UPSET!!!!!!!!!!

Advice? Thoughts? I need it.

***

The bookkeeper wrote back and said she is not doing the invoicing at this point, but to contact the two owners who did. So I fashioned an e-mail, got some input on it from various people, and this is what I sent---no reply back as of yet:

Hi ladies,

Work I’ve completed is not being billed in a timely manner. I’m not sure why this is. I finished a project July 18, and Peggy just advised me it was not billed until last week. Also, a project completed August 18 was not billed until last week, and then a Benford project that I completed my portion of on August 19 was not billed at all until I asked about it.

I was expecting to be paid for at least two of these jobs by now—it’s almost October.

It’s concerning to me that this is happening. It creates difficulty for me. Although I really enjoy the work and being part of the XYZ team, I’m starting to question if this is the right place for me. Although I would do this for free, that is not the way of the world, and I have a share of bills that I need to pay, also. It is very difficult for me to live with this whole “I wonder when I’ll get a check?” situation. My debtors don’t understand it, either, and are not partial to kindness.

I don’t know what the solution is—or which solution the two of you would prefer—but this way does not work for me. I’m sorry.

Thoughts?



Jewels

I Can't Take It Anymore...

So I emailed the bookkeeper, who is my boss' mother-in-law, the following:

Hi P,

Not to be a nag, well, I guess I am :P ....but it's been two months since I finished MM, and a month since I finished TSPoM (andDTRR was billed late), but could you tell me when I might expect payment? and try to budget somewhat?

I would appreciate it, thanks.

Jewels



Now I wait, with bated breath.

Wile E. Editor, SuperGenius

One of my clients wants a small graphic image, reminiscent of events in the story, inserted before each chapter head/title. We were going to use Word ClipArt, but after some research, discovered we did not have a license for commercial use.

So I hunted around on the web and found some royalty-free graphic art and just what my client is looking for.

One of my boss' is doing the InDesign layout. So last night I emailed it to her with an explanation and told her that I just needed the client's approval before she could move forward.

This morning she wrote back, "great, etc., 'e-mail me the graphic.'"

*crickets*

Uh, it was attached to the original email.

Honest to dog, it's hard to respect this kind of idiocy.

I realize that people aren't perfect, I'm certainly not, but when it happens with every. single. interaction? There's a problem. I'm seriously wondering about dementia or Alzheimer's -- this person is in their 60s so it wouldn't be out of the range of consideration. I've heard of it starting in people as early as the mid 40s.

But just...wow.

Still Waiting

But it's moot, anyway. That money has been earmarked for out-of-state visits to the retinologist and oncologist next month. If it's not here by then...? I can't tell you the enormity of anger I'll be feeling then.

We still haven't paid our rent this month. I'm not exactly sure what happened, because my husband and I keep separate accounts (it's just better this way), and my husband is getting unemployment, so that's the bulk of our monthly income. So we're fortunate to have an understanding landlady. Considering that 10% of the units in our complex of some 300 units have remained steadily empty since we've lived here, she's probably just happy to have renters. I feel like an ass. I always paid my rent before anything else. I may not have had food or money to put gas into my car to get to work, but my rent was paid. I don't like being in this position.

I'm doing everything I know how to do to increase incoming funds--I've got stuff for sale on Etsy; I've applied for several jobs, although pickin's are thin. If I wanted to be a Fellow in hand neurosurgery instruction or join the Army, there are plenty of jobs available. *sigh*

I've suggested selling our second car, but my husband said no.

I'm exhausted.

I had an asthma attack in the middle of the night last night--I'm not sure where that came from--and it took a while to get my breathing stabilized, even with a rescue inhaler, and then I was afraid to lay down for fear of inability to breathe, and I finally fell asleep sometime around 4 or 5am. And I felt like a wrung out dishrag all day. Bleah.

So yeah, this is me whining.

Not very grown up, I'm afraid, but there it is.

Frustrated and Perturbed

Since it's nearly the middle of September, I took it upon myself to email the bookkeeper and ask if the three projects I worked on had even been billed--and I'm so glad I did.

A project completed July 17 was billed;
A project completed Aug 18 was billed;
A project completed Aug 19 was NOT billed.

*argh*

My boss with the memory of a gnat forgot to bill the client.

*sigh*

This is not working.

Other than keep looking, I don't know what else to do.

This way lies crazy-making.

Show Me the Money

Still waiting for my payment. It's September 11 (and yes, I am thinking about that day.).

Not only that, but I'm project managing an e-book to print conversion. I have two bosses, one of them knows InDesign. She said she would start laying it out after Labor Day, so September 4th. I had emailed her the week before to remind her, and then this week to see how it was going. The result? She just started it yesterday.

*grumble*

Her memory makes mine look like an Encyclopedia. I swear to dog.

Then, the cover art was supposed to be finished by the end of August. But the artist never got his budget or contract from my other boss.

Granted, she became seriously ill and was in bed, sleeping, for about ten days, but she had two weeks prior to that to send him the budget and contract--she spoke to the author about that, not me.

So I emailed both her and the cover artist yesterday to ask if work was progressing, i.e., the contract had been signed, and I've yet to hear from either one of them.

It's frustrating. You asked me to project manage a project, yet you do not follow my instructions. So my question is, Why? Why am I PMing something if you're not going to pay attention to me? I don't get it.

I love the work, I do, but the business is not being run very well. I hope I'll be in a position someday to say, hey, there's some things that need work or I can't play with you guys anymore.

Today is not that day.

So I bitch. Yada yada yada.

***

A painful thought: I'm planning a big party for November. I hope to hell I have the money to pay for it. JHC!

Halfway Between the End of Summer and Fall

Or thirteen days until "official" fall, although I've felt it in the air for a few weeks now. And yay.

This is the time when I was expecting to be paid for three jobs I finished, one in July and two in August. But, alas, it is my fate to wait. As usual.

I wish that they would set up a regular payment schedule, like the 1st and the 15th, that way when those dates pass, and I haven't received a check in the mail, I know the client hasn't yet paid, and I can simply look to the 1st for the next payment cycle.

Instead, it's willy-nilly, whenever someone has time (or is in the mood) to process payables to the sub-contracters.

A bookkeeper was hired in July which was supposed to mitigate this scattered approach at bookkeeping and paying it's staff, but that has not been the case.

I'm disappointed.

I've talked to many people about this, some small business owners, and they've all agreed with me that this is not a good business model. The first thing you pay is payroll. The End.

I once worked for a transcription service who had mis-billed a large client $4,000 instead of $40,000. The owner gathered us all together and told us she wouldn't be able to make payroll and she wasn't sure when, but at least two weeks. All while she owned the building we worked in and should have had an emergency escrow account for just such situations, and drove to work in her Mercedes Benz 450SL two-seater convertible while we had conversations with our landlords, and scoured our cupboards for whatever was left. Uh, yeah, that went over well with the staff. NOT.

Within the month, more than half of us had quit. I had to be nasty to get my last paycheck. I didn't deposit it, but cashed it at a check cashing service for a small fee. Every check I received from this employer was written on a different bank--I wasn't taking any chances. A week or so later, I received a call from my former employer, yeah, I'd found a new job, to tell me they were sorry, but the check was going to bounce. I told her--the owner's cousin *rolleyes*--that I had cashed it at Alligator ASS check cashing...there was a pause on the other end of the phone as she thought of the repercussions of that particular business coming after them--and charging them beau-coup fees, more than I would have. Heh.

So I'm not DYING (that I know of), or going to be evicted, or starve, or even have our internet or cable TV turned of...BUT, the waiting is unpleasant. Fortunately, I don't rely on this money for a living, but for extras, like my cell phone and the cable (which I ordered and pay for because my husband is just not a TV watcher), and maybe out to eat once in a while (with a BOGO coupon, of course).

No, but it still stings to wait. It makes me feel marginalized and unimportant, and I don't like that.

One job I finished July 18th, I checked. The client has 30 days to pay, so even with a little cushion time, I should've had a check last week. But nope. No check.

I could quit with only a small impact to my lifestyle, but I really enjoy what I'm doing. I just really dislike being at the bottom of the barrel.

I will, I think, continue to put out feelers for freelance work from other sources.

OK, rant over.

Thank you..

PS: Retinologist and oncology appointments have been moved to October as both my husband and I have been, and are still, sick with a nasty version of bronchitis. It's going on two weeks, and we're still coughing and feeling lousy. Ugh. ***

RESPONSE TO COMMENTER HDSILVERSMITH--For whatever reason, I am unable to leave comments on this, my own blog. So here is my reply:

I agree wholeheartedly. It makes me cry, also. A "come-to-Jesus" moment is in the making. But not yet. I was hoping you-know-who would have a job by now so I would have more stable ground to stand on, but it's not happening. I will never be able to go back to work in a corporate environment. Not physically, not emotionally, not psychically,so for now, I wait. But the moment I feel I can speak up, and live with any consequences, such as never working for them again, I will.

I have a contract, but it doesn't include any clients I find on my own, only current clients. So there's that. And either side may nullify the contract at any point. So, we'll see.

They're nice people, but really lousy business people.

I'm on several other freelance sites (like elance, which pays so very low, mein gott,) and I've not gotten any work as of yet.

Cancer: Where We Are Now

I guess I haven't posted since I had the radiation treatment at the end of July. It was a real trip. Four subsequent days of proton radiation, then we wait for the tumor to die. The location of the proton machine is in a sweet little town and so aside from eye cancer treatment every afternoon, we also had a sort of mini-vacay. Here's a picture on the monitor taken during one of the treatments--my husband took this with the doctor's okay.

And here's one of my eye with the "eye retractors in". They gave me more than a few nightmares beforehand, but honestly, they were not painful or uncomfortable in any way. They numb the holy-loving shit out of your eye and lids--a whole bottle of numbing agent--so it's not bad at all.

So here's where we are now:

We've moved my retinology and oncology appointments to the end of August instead of September, because we're pretty sure there's no fucking way we're going to be able to raise $1331- for the third month in a row for COBRA. We won't know if the tumor is dying until I see the retinologist so we are keeping it this month.

However....there's always a but, isn't there? We raised about $900 between Indiegogo, a few e-Bay sales, yard sales (2), a bake sale at the yard sales, and we're still short about $500-. Why, you ask, are we short $500- if we only needed the different between $900 and $1331, or $431-. Well....because we used some of the COBRA money to pay for my cell phone, which I use for work. We used part of the previous unemployment check my husband received to pay for the trip to Davis for radiation treatment. That was not a cheap trip (or trick!).

$1800- in unemployment is not enough to pay for rent, utilities, car insurance, food--for us and 3 cats--cell phone, and COBRA. Indeed. If all we paid was COBRA, we would have $469 left over a month. Our rent is not quite twice that. HA!

So. I'm looking for ideas on new ways to create income. Yes, I have looked for temporary jobs--because I also broke my ankle this last February (trimalleolar fracture with dislocation) and recovery from this level of injury is years, I cannot stand for long periods of time, and when I say "long," I mean 10 minutes. It shoots up my right side to my hip and then my back and the pain is excruciating. So I can't grab quick gigs like waitressing, cashiering, hostess, etc. I have to be able to sit for most of the work. Hell, I sit down to do dishes or cook, what little cooking I do now.

I did just complete two editing gigs and two more are close to being done, but when I'll see the payment is hard to say. Tomorrow? Next month? I don't know. Whenever the client pays. They have 30 days after the completion of a project.

But in the meantime.........what do we do? I even have a diamond bracelet that was gifted to me for sale on Craig's List. I've had one nibble in the last week. *sigh* Everyone is having a hard time right now, and have for years. Boy do I know it. But I just need one more month. Of course, if the tumor is not dying, but is, in fact, growing, I'll need more treatment, and we'll be right back where we started, but that's a road I don't even want to walk down right now.

I can only think of today, this week, this month.

I'd appreciate your thoughts and ideas on how to raise some cash quickly (we can't sell one of our cars as we thought because one is dying, and my husband, who has an interview this week *pleasepleaseplease* will need a car to get to work if one dies. And then, also, I would probably move with him to this particular location--it's quite nice, so we could survive on one car.)

OK, I'm oversharing. I really just need some good ideas. Post 'em if you got 'em. Thank!!!

Busy With Work, and, You Know, Cancer Stuff

I just finished a second project of four--third one we're waiting to hear back from the author--and the last one I'm on chapter 20 of a 42 chapter book, so it will be a while still (and because it needs LOTS of cleaning up. *ahem*).

Two of the authors are BIG, BIG names, so everything needs to be perfect, a third is fairly well-known although I'd never head of them until now, although I know the series that he contributes to, so I had a short story to add to one of his series. So I have three sci-fi and an autobiography. So I'm working, albeit not that hard.

After I had surgery, my vision went to shit. Not only did they sew the gold tantalum markers onto the back of my left eye, but they manually checked my right eye for signs of cancer, also. And not to minimize it, but the post-surgery period, especially the first 3 - 4 days? Sucked BIG TIME.

For me, what that meant was that I couldn't see for shit out of either eye for about two weeks. The right eye has slowly come back, but the depth perception is still not 100%. So I drove today for only the second time, which wasn't as bad as the first time on July 1 when I almost rear-ended several people due to aforementioned lack of depth perception.

The left eye--still can't see perfect out of it, and the flashing Frisbees crossing my line of vision have amped up their flashing. It happens hourly, now, often close together. It gets about halfway across my pupil and then disappears. That's the tumor blocking my vision.

I saw the oncologist last week, whom I liked very much and specializes in these types of tumors (the other place is Harvard, on the East Coast, glad we didn't have to go out there, jeez), and she pointed out that my tumor is close to the macula, and that although she would try to save it, she also needs to make sure the margins are clear, so post-radiation, which is next week, 4 days in a row, out of town, of course, my left eye will be losing some vision.

That's all there is to it.

Lost vision or wait for it to spread to the liver (where it likes to go) and die. Those are the options.

I can edit with one eye. Mostly.

My bosses have been really super. Just...I didn't expect such kindness. One of them threw a fundraiser for me at her own anniversary party, and is having a huge yard sale the end of the month at her house. I'm cleaning my closets out to donate stuff to "the cause." (he he, me, that is.) They've really been very understanding.

My husband has been awesome, coming to all appointments, sitting in sad cancer waiting rooms, dropping me off at the door to go find parking, putting my drops in my eyes, and going on food runs. G*d bless him.

With a little help from a fundraiser, the insurance for July got paid (and we personally drove it to the insurance company and dropped it off to make sure the day before the oncology appointment), so I can exhale a little bit.

That's it for now.

If I can name the big authors at some point, or if you want to know, just email me. I'll tell you.

Cheers.

Down, Not Out

On Tuesday morning I will be having surgery on my left eye to place some gold-plated tumor markers around a malignant melanoma that has been hiding in there in the back for who-knows-how-long, for follow-up radiation in a month or so.

Even though I've written about this in other places, and to other people, it feels both scary and unreal. I broke my ankle in February, and that surgery did not frighten me at all. Of course, I only had a few hours to think about it, not a month or so. But still--it feels very "this is not happening to me."

At any rate. I'll probably lose vision in that eye while it's recovering, I think I will go with the eye patch all the time until it's feeling better, particularly with the work I do as an editor, and it will look kinda' cool IMO. Now that Marie Colvin is gone, I guess I can pick up the eye-patch slack for a while. *smile*

So I'm not exactly sure how much work I'll be getting done. I know how much work I need to be getting done, but to estimate how much will actually get done is still an unknown.

If you have a project you'd like me to work with you on, please bear with me and try to be patient while I figure this all out. I would like to say that August is wide open, but we'll see.

And if you're feeling philanthropic, I could still use some help paying the COBRA bills for July and August. Click here to read more.

Thank you for stopping by.



And that's the bastard, there. ^

What's Up?

Not a helluva lot. I like to blog here about work and school, and since I'm not doing either, well, there's nothing going on. I am working on a friend's book that I started last October and procrastinated on so much that I rarely worked on it. It's just so, so very awful. The mechanics is the problem. This writer thinks that quotation marks should be used like this:

John, will you drive me to the store? "asked Jane."

No, I am not kidding.

This person also likes to underline, capitalize, or put in quotations, lots and lots of things. Like Human. Human is not a proper noun, title, or name. No capital.

E-formatting does not tolerate underlining and it has to be removed and changed to italics.

Homophones: do when due was needed, not to mention all the they're/their/there problems.

So it's time consuming and requires a lot of keyboard work. Usually when I edit, I don't use the keyboard that much. Not in this case. So it's slow going.

And finally, the story itself, although it has good bones, needs to be fleshed out into something resembling a narrative.

*sigh*

He already paid for this work, so no fresh money will be coming in.

My monthly check for $200-, and of which I have not received payment for May (Yes, today is June 7), and according to my briend won't be here until late next week. Good thing I was able to pay a couple of my bills with my husband's money, or I'd be fucked.

And finally, I have a new health crisis. A really gnarly one requiring specialists and multiple trips out of town. Hell, out of state. I'm having an MRI on Monday, out of state, and on Tuesday, my husband has a job interview about 100 miles away at a sweet little town that I would LOVE to live in. I hope he gets it, but the odds are not in his favor. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope. Either way, we're acting like it's a little vacay.

Supposedly there are two projects upcoming on the horizon, but other than that, I have no definitive information on who, what, or when. Where, will be here and perhaps one day at my briend's place.

Still looking for something else, but really, until I know where we're going to land in the fall, it's hard to look.

Back at it.

Not Working [Out]

Well, my ankle is doing better, I'm getting around with the help of a cane, but the back and hip pain on my right side is pretty bad if I go too far. Ugh. If I overdo it, then my ankle swells up and throbs. Like I did today.

But the shit just keeps on coming. I have a new health crisis that requires me to go out of state next week to meet with a cancer specialist. Yeah, possible cancer. *sigh* I really didn't see that coming. I'll post about it more when I have a better idea of what the diagnosis is.

But, work. I emailed my two bosses to let them know that I needed work. 1. to keep busy; 2. to make income because my husband gets laid off in June, and starting in July we'll need to be on COBRA for our health insurance and it won't be cheap.

And, with my disappointment in the slow way they pay their sub-contractor's, I'm equally disappointed in their response.

I asked for either short projects, or an author who would be understanding if I needed to pass their project to another member of the team, or wait for me to feel better if I have radiation therapy with a malignant diagnosis.

I was told that there are "no short projects"; and that it wouldn't be fair to ask a client to wait until I felt better to finish their project.

Frankly? I call bullshit on both. I realize it's not personal, it's business, but I've done plenty of short projects, and I can edit very quickly now. So they're waiting to find out what my diagnosis will be. I think that's kind of shitty that they just didn't come right out and say it instead of some bs about there being "no short work." And I may not even be ill! This is all conjecture at this point.

There is no disability insurance in the state I live in like they have in California--it comes right out of your paycheck--but I would have had to purchase a policy on my own to receive benefits. So essentially, I have no income and no money in the pipeline. That really sucks.

I have registered with e-Lance again; they no longer charge a monthly fee to join and why I left the first time I belonged; an author friend has promised to recommend me to any of her writer friends who need a book e-formatted AND she pointed me to some websites where I can post for gigs. Cool; and a good friend from college called me last week to let me know she's moving back to California, and I got the impression that she was feeling me out for a job--she needs to hire someone when she gets to California. I would move back to California, an area that I don't even like, for this job. So it's not for sure, but it would be awesome if it were. *fingerscrossed* I could be wrong, but I hope I'm not.

So I'm looking around to see what's out there. Evidently the job I love just isn't really going to be able to provide me with enough money to really make it worth the while. That's disappointing. I just can't make it on $8,000 a year. Not in the United States.

Moving on.

Dialogue

I had an open, honest, thoughtful, and courteous email conversation with my boss/friend (briend?) last night after an opening presented itself to ask about payment. It was awesome. I offered my skills as a bookkeeper, rusty though they are, and was told thank you, but maybe--the problem is time to train someone. Evidently the business is growing in leaps and bounds (and yay!), and more processes and policies need to be designed and implemented. It's just getting too big for her to handle AND do her editorial work, which she loves, as I do. So that's a good problem to have.

Bottom line? I'm picking up "checks" today at 5pm. Yes, checks, plural. Evidently another one came in for me. I can't imagine what it could be for. The last project I finished only finished late last week...but I suppose it's possible. Do I get my hopes up? NO. No hope up-getting. Just accept what you receive, go to the bank, and pay your new cell bill, Jewels. Doih.

I'm so grateful, and so well-trained by my sorority sister mother to never go empty-handed to a friend's house--I baked her a chocolate cake. From scratch. Well, not the frosting. It's buttercream from a can. But the chocolate cake is SO delicious. And my briend needs to gain weight, really, she's underweight, and she loves chocolate, and she has a school-age child who must love cake, so I made a cake. It's what I do. And I have the pleasure of making it without all the added calories from eating it. Heh.

(Email me if you'd like the recipe. SO easy to make.)

So. I am still learning how to be a grownup. Aren't we all?

The Waiting

Tom Petty said it best, "The waiting is the hardest part..."

Yep.

Still no check / payment.

By the time I get it, I should be getting paid for the last job I did, which I finished two weeks ago, and is for about the same amount.

I haven't gotten the $200- I get every month from a client last fall, either. It was late last month, too (the client paid on time, it was the disbursement, i.e., my boss, who held up payment).

But here's the thing:  My boss?  She's got health issues. And as someone with health issues? I get it. I totally do. She's had a migraine for about nine days. She's going to the doctor tomorrow. I wouldn't have waited that long, but I'm not her. So I feel a bit guilty about leaning on her about my payment, which I've not done so far (due to the guilt). But I need that money. I switched phone carriers last month, and my first payment is due tomorrow--they're not going to let me slide a few days like my previous carrier who I'd been with for over seven years. I don't want to get on their bad side, knowhatImsayin'?

So if it's not here tomorrow, I'm going to have to borrow it from my husband, and I'm going to have to ask for it. I can't wait any more. I can't feel guilty, I can't feel pity, this is business, that is all. And I'm sorry she's having health issues--but if that is the case, then you need to have a backup or alternate plan. It's that simple.

I also never received a 1099 for work I did last year. I asked about it, twice, but never received it. So I put the money on my tax return anyway as "payments received for which I did not receive a 1099." I'm not about to play with the IRS. Ugh.

So the business side of this business is not getting handled. They need to hire a bookkeeper. And not having time to train your mother-in-law, who was going to do it, is an excuse.

I would not treat my employees this way, and I don't like being treated this way.

So. Tomorrow. Will I have the brass ovaries to ask for the money? I'd better. Time is flying. Bills are due.







*** Update 8:47pm So soon? I know, right? Well, an opening presented itself--cranky client emailed me with some questions so I Bcc'd my bosses, and the check-cutter wrote me back, so I asked. I also offered to help with the bookkeeping services (I worked in accounting for 10 years--hated it, but can do it) or anything else she needs. So, we'll see. *fingerscrossed*

And Back...

A lot has happened since February 24th.

And it looks like Blogger has changed its format. Super. Not. (Hate it.)

Since February 24th, I broke and dislocated my ankle; rode in an ambulance; got to meet some handsome firemen; had surgery; spent the night in a hospital; spent two weeks in a non-weight bearing splint, barely able to get out of a chair high on Percocet; urinating in a big bowl in the living room until the anesthesia was out of my body and I could lift myself up with my arms to get out of a chair, into a rolling chair, and to the toilet (getting off the toilet took nearly a month); went shopping in a wheelchair; transitioned at two weeks to a fiberglass cast for four weeks, also non-weight bearing; and two weeks ago got the cast off.

I am still figuring out how to walk again. I have a walker, which helps, but it's hard for me to go long distances. Today I actually went out to the mailbox. I had to rest three times. How far is it? It's over four units, not far. But being sedentary for six weeks--oh, and then I got bronchitis, really bad bronchitis--shortened tendons, and walking takes a lot of energy, strength, and lung capacity that I don't have just now. One day at a time.

But...during this time period, I finished three book projects. Three. I had started all three of them before the break, and I wanted to finish up. I had a lot of problems with one of the books, I finally had to sub it out--I lost about $1300- on that gig--and the client was a total nightmare. She didn't give a shit that I'd hurt myself (and a former nurse, to boot. Nurse Ratched?), "she wants what she wants and that's it." Or that I should try to see how breaking my ankle affected her, center of the universe: "look at it from her perspective." Really. She paid on time, too. But I'm still waiting for the check.

*sigh*

And so my grievous belly-aching over the big gorilla in the room about my "dream job": I don't get paid regularly. The owners of the company don't make it a priority. The clients are paying on time, but my boss is dragging her feet disbursing payments to the various team members who work on a project.

I know that cranky nightmare client's check arrived last Saturday because my boss sent me a text, we were both so surprised that she'd paid without a fuss or a fight. I was thrilled, because I was having lunch with her, one of the owners on Monday, and of course, she would bring my check to the lunch--at least, that's what I would do.

Uh, no. In fact, on Monday she hadn't even deposited the check, which mean that she hadn't done the distribution (there were several of us who worked on the bitch of a project), and so no check was even in the mail to me.

And now I've bounced a check. Fuck. Well, the bank paid it, charged me $30-, and so now I'm overdrawn.

I have one client that is paying off her $3,000 editing services bill $200- per month. That pays for cell phones and cable/internet/land line. The last time a check came in, my boss held on to it for nearly two weeks before distributing my portion to me because she "didn't feel like doing it." WTF?

This is getting to be a PROBLEM. OK, it was always a problem, but MORE of a problem.

When I worked for a federal agency in 2009-10 as a training supervisor, we were advised to make sure that payroll went smoothly and that employees were paid on-time and accurately, otherwise THEY HAD A TENDENCY TO QUIT, which meant more training dollars.

I am not going to quit, I don't want to quit, but it's starting to look like I'll need a regular job and soon. I can do this on the side. But I can't spend my days wondering A) when a client will pay (we don't bill until the project is done and then they have 30 days B) how long will it take my boss to cut me my share?

It's very disappointing. I've tried talking to them about it, but nothing has changed so....I got nothin'.

I'm tired of getting extensions for my bills every month because I'm waiting on a fucking check. and honestly, I usually work waaaaaaay more hours than I bill for--we never go over our estimate. I need to estimate higher.

My husband is getting laid off in June--he was already given a pink-slip, he needs to work in California (long story, not important), so we are considering moving back there.

Our unit here, while cozy and inexpensive, has grown smaller. The stairs tried to kill me in February. There are no jobs here, and what few jobs that are here, you're lucky to get $10- an hour, which I made more than in 1987 as a data entry clerk at an insurance company. Seriously. This town is dying. Businesses are closing up everywhere, even big name chains like Marie Callendar's, Quizno's, and others. There are empty buildings everywhere. It's pitiful.

So I'm sad, angry, frustrated, trying not to lash out, stress eat or drink, crawl into a black hole of depression and so-on. But I am definitely unhappy.

I won't start looking for a job until we figure out where we're going to land in California. That decision is wide open based on where DH gets a new gig. Then I can start looking.

If things start improving or they get a handle on their bookkeeping practices (someone was supposed to take it over in January but didn't), maybe I can keep my cool work-at-home editing job full-time. I sure hope so. I really love the work.

Resentment: Some months ago, one of the owners told me about a "gadgets for editors" program, and that they'd already purchased one of the team a Kindle Fire. I assumed that since she was telling me this, I would be getting one, too. Uh uh. Nope. I bought my own. Actually, it arrived the day after I went to the hospital. I had finally been paid for a project I had finished in December--I had submitted my hours and that the project was done on 12/28, but no one billed the client until January 30 I asked if he had ever paid. Doih. But why would they tell me this, then not buy me a gadget?? It doesn't make sense.

So yeah, some hiccups that are turning into a really bad case of reflux, and I can't breathe, and it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth.<br><br>

So I wait. For money, for improvements, for decisions on where we'll be moving to. To walk normally. The last project to be finished and billed (another person is is finishing up part of the project). I hate waiting. Argh.

***
4/26/12 6:30pm.

And still no check. What's curious is that on Thursdays we generally get a big pile of flyers and coupons in the mail. The box was completely empty. Weird. I'm debating calling the post office.

Also:  I HATE the new Blogger formatting. If I wanted a Wordpress blog, I'd go to Wordpress. WTF?

***
4/27/12 1:02pm

And now? They don't want to pay for an hour of work because "they didn't use it." HUH?  When I worked as an accounting manager,  I remember having to write a check for an employee who's check was short fifty cents--no I am not kidding--they came by the office that day to pick it up. It costs more than 50 cents to write the damn check. You pay for hours your employees work, or you're in violation of the law. I guess when you're a contract employee, there are gray areas regarding what you'll be paid for. *I don't think so*

Taking a Break

In this case, quite literally.

Last Friday, I was coming down the stairs in our rental condo, and on the last step, my left foot slipped out from under me. I was holding the rail and caught myself with my right foot. Unfortunately, one of my kitties had ruffled up the throw rug so that it was fluffy-side down. I slid, at maximum speed, across the tile, and made contact with the bottom of my right foot with the front door. I still had hold of the rail. If I were shorter, I might have missed it.

I immediately knew that EMTs and firemen would be required because my leg was pointing north and my foot was pointing east. It was very bad.

Of course, my cell phone had no signal, and which I had held onto during the fall. I was about 15 feet away from the land line we just had installed in January (late December? I dunno.). I slid on my belly on the tile until I hit carpet then I walked on my knees to the land line, got the phone, and went back down on my belly.

The 911 people were wonderful, the EMTs were fabulous, and the firemen were gorgeous.

They gave me some (worthless) pain medicine nasally as a spray, then wrapped my leg in a blow-up splint. Ladies, I was wondering which was worse--broken ankle or childbirth. I was hollering and screaming for all I was worth as I grabbed onto the padding of the reclining chair next to me.

They wheeled me out of my place on my office desk chair because the gurney wouldn't make in it here, it's very tight and crammed.


So I rode in the ambulance--cool--no lights or sirens, not life-threatening, and they got me on morphine drip. Aaaaah.

My wonderful boss/friend came over to the ER and held my hand and we told stories as I waited. An orthopedist came by (bone doctor), and without warning re-located my ankle. OW. Then better. Had it x-rayed, broken in three places, surgery to put a plate and some pins in it and overnight in the hospital.

So I'm here at home, a favorite relative flew out from back east to look after me, thank god because there was no aftercare plan prepared for me. And the hospital care was not great.  *ahem*

We're trying to get some home health care for me for when she leaves on Monday. I also see the surgeon on  Monday Thursday.

I am not mobile. I'm in the reclining chair in the living room. I don't have enough strength to hold myself up on crutches, the anesthesia has given me a congested chest, fortunately I'm constipated so that hasn't been a problem, but a bit of a worry. And tonight we're going to be hammered with snow. Thuper!!! Good day to be at home.

So I'll be back when I'm...well, back. Cheers. :-)

Cha-Ching!

So while I made a quick trip out to the grocery for some refried beans in order to make homemade nachos with Trader Joe's Flax Chips (yummers), I left my cell phone at home. And when I got back, there was an email saying, "The check from X is here."

*SNOOPYDANCE*

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water let the mutherfucker burn..........."

Okay, maybe you needed to live through the 80s to get that.

Regardless, hopefully I can go pick up the check tomorrow. I don't want to wait for the mail. Mama's bills are due.

*exhale*

***

In other news, my non-fiction book is back from the Indexer, who wrote a whole page of editorial errors. Huh. I didn't know indexers also did editing. The client is...hmmm, how to put...rhymes with rich...? Yeah, that's it.

Usually I do one edit, send it to the author for corrections, they send it back and I proofread it. With this client? It went back and forth SIX times. And every time she sent it back, she would change MY corrections. So when I look at this list, I want to see at what point the errors occurred in the process. If I made mistakes, then I'll take responsibility, but if it wasn't me....? Honestly, it never occurred to me that something I researched and checked would be changed back to its original incorrect state. I mean there are some things like style issues that can be changed without being right or wrong, like using contractions instead of spelling out words (in an informal work). But when I check that a word is not capitalized because it is not a proper noun, but you go back in and change them all back to capitals? Why did you hire me?

And one other thing:  Editing is like any other skill. The more you do of it, the better you get. I'm wearing out a few reference books. But it's all good. I hope it makes me better.

Busy but good week

I have four clients right now, and I'm on target with all four:

1. Client 1 wanted me to read their entire book before editing. Done.
2. YA supernatural mystery novel edited and sent to client.
3. Non-fiction book edited, formatted, and sent to indexer (a specialized skill).
4. Cleaned up website for mystery author, and will start e-formatting book for publication tomorrow.

I'm starting to get the hang of this. It will be nice when the money starts rolling in. (And yeah, still waiting on the check from down under. Maybe this week?) I'd like to do some traveling. I'd like to go visit a favorite family member who moved to the midwest/south last year; I'd like to go somewhere entirely new (to me) like Hawaii, or an Alaskan cruise this summer. I've got the travel bug.

Coffee, Tea, or Check?

So we got the billing issues with my overseas author straightened out, and last week he offered to send payment directly to my employer's bank account. She told him to send a check.

I know, right?

Evidently their back account is "in process."  WTF does that mean? They both know I'm waiting for this money. I just....there seem to be some memory problems, particularly with the person who told author to send a check instead of a wire transfer. There is a lot of forgetting there. I thought my memory was bad? Wow. Hopefully the check will be "in the mail" to me next week. I don't know how long it takes to mail something from Down Under?

So, that's it for my "rant of the day."

***

In other "news," my longing to move back to Northern California, one town in particular, is growing. Yesterday I found out that one of my classmates is in grad school at our old university in the same major. And I'm....jealous.  Envious. Wishing it were me. I was a better student than...this person. If they can do it, shouldn't I? Or has my ability to learn in a formal setting evaporated? I don't know.

I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he changed the subject every time, even when I asked him why he was changing the subject? To which he changed the subject.  *sigh* That's where I want to be. As for grad school? I don't know. Maybe. We'll see.

Gettin' Over It

Well, so far my big fuckup has not surfaced and come into the daylight. Hopefully it never will. My boss/friend is very understanding of my learning curve and in fact says she has often made the same mistakes....but standing up a client? (Because I was in an Ambien-induce coma?), not good. Bad enough to let me go. The Author was angry, but accepted my explanation, and has agreed to meet with me when she returns to town in a week or so (Tuesday). *fingerscrossed* I have promised to take her to lunch anywhere she'd like to go. Hopefully, I'll have some money by then. *groan*

In the meantime, I have three new clients, none of whom are in that big of a hurry to get their book finished. Fine by me. I'm wallowing in depression and self-pity and trying desperately to convert my sleeping hours from days to nights without success. Fuck.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

I'm so upset--at myself--that I'm trembling.

I fucked up in a major way today. I think I've managed to pick up the pieces, but it remains to be seen. I'm too embarrassed to say what I did, here. It's that fucking stupid and bad.

One other stupid thing I did was lose the contract my boss gave my on Friday. I'm pretty sure my husband accidentally threw it away, took the kitchen trash to the bin, and the waste haulers came at 5am today.

My boss emailed over a new contract to me and was, again, very understanding. I feel like I don't deserve her kindness. I've sent it to three people for review and opinions, but it looks pretty straightforward to me. But what do I know.

I think a little hard liquor is called for in this situation. Fuck.

Sunny Skies

I had lunch with my boss/friend today. It was a four-hour lunch. We get along so well, we have so much in common, and we love to talk about books we've read, books we're publishing, our authors, things that have happened in our lives---we always have a good time when we're together. She also showed me how her Kindle Fire works. Gawd I want one. (Come on, missing check!)

She also gave me the contract for her sub-contractor works, she signed it, and gave it to me in a folder. And I can't find it. I remember putting it in the car, and nothing else. I've looked in the car, and not found it. I've looked in the house and my laptop case. It's just...gone. I haven't even read it yet.

It has to be in the car. It was dark and cold while I was looking for it so it was a cursory look. I'm going to look again in the am. *fingerscrossed*

Today it was a very good day.

Flurries, Chance of Precipitation

Not really. But there was a flurry of email activity today between me and my two bosses. And my sister. I wrote my sister an email last night, along with another favorite relative, both of whom live in different states than I, and my sister turns out to be quite the savvy businesswoman. I should have asked for her advice years ago.

So the short of it is....the payment-plan paying, demanding author (texts with questions all hours of the day and night with questions....), who now wants us to do her print book, I spelled it out. I. Cannot. Work. For Free. I need to be paid when the job is over and so on. And other things. Like I said, there was a lot of back and forth.

Bottom line? Both publishers want to keep me, they love my work, I'm their "go-to gal" and I'm "good with the authors," they just didn't understand my position, and appreciate that I would like to have a contract.

I was having lunch with one of them on Monday but she said she just got the contract template for contract employees back from the attorney who was writing it for her, I can review it, and would I like to have lunch tomorrow instead of Monday? (Friday). Why yes, yes I would. And evidently $200- a month gal made a payment and it went in the mail yesterday. Good thing, because my Internet/cable/phone is passed due and they're getting rather unfriendly. *ahem*

And my husband, as usual, is not being supportive. All he can think about is the money. Yes, that's important, but so is my integrity, professionalism, and reputation. You can't buy those.

So I'm kind of excited now, and am enjoying being valued.

As for payments author...all are agreed that no more work should be done for her until she pays off her first contract. And hurray.

So what started as a shit day (not feeling well upon waking after a restless night--I know I'm not feeling well when coffee sounds disgusting), then all the back and forths....but I am pretty sure we're all on the same page, now. What a relief.

And another project......

...I am starting to create a name for myself as an editor, particularly development editing. I'm very, very, very proud of that.

And because of the good work I've done since August, my bosses are eager to keep me busy so I won't fly the coop. :-) Because I have been looking for a job, something part-time, but with a regular income.

After all the emails back and forth with my boss/friend about the payment for work I finished in December that hasn't arrived, I think the light went on for them that not getting paid does not work for me as a business model.

So I don't know much about the new project except that it's an already published author, and apparently all she needs is e-format conversation. Well, at least what I understood from the email from the other publisher/boss/person.

In prep for development editing on book II of a YA supernatural series, I'm reading book I, which is really, really, really quite good. I plan on recommending it quite a bit once I'm done. Once I'm done, I'll have more of an idea of the author's vision for book II. (Holy crap, I'm being paid to read. Well, supposed to be getting paid. *snort* My life's dream. LOL)

I haven't checked the mail today. I'm afraid to. *disappointment* [Update midnight: No checks.}

Then the author who is on the pay-when-I-feel-like-it plan wants to do a print version of her book, and because I did the ebook, my publishers both want me to do the POD. I said I would, but that I cannot accept payments. If someone else on our team wants to do it and accept payments, then they should. I cannot. And I feel guilty about that. And I'm pissed for feeling guilty. But I'm tired of making payment arrangements for all "my" bills every month (My husband and I keep our money separately, and pay certain bills separately. It evens out, and it's better this way for us.) And he's getting frustrated carrying me since August (although I had put aside half of the rent all the way through January, and he tends to overreact *rolleyes*), I understand how he feels, because I get resentful when he can't pull his weight. I wanted a partnership in a marriage, in all ways, and so did he, and so far, in the over 5 years of our marriage, we have never both managed to work at the same time. And WTF?

So. Although the money is not beating a path to my door, the work is, I'm creating a name for myself as a good editor and decent person; I'm learning tons every day; and I'm meeting some really interesting people. That's got to count for something.

Right?

Any advice for the payments situation? This is all new to me, and I welcome advice, etc. Thanks.

Show me the money....please?

Well, I finally screwed up my courage and e-mailed my boss/friend about the check that I have been waiting for since December.

She hasn't received it.

I'm friends with the author on some Social Media sites, and he hasn't posted on either site for several weeks. He also hasn't responded to an email from me two days ago.

It's a pile of money, and we really need it. Evidently, we overspent going on a trip to Southern California to visit relatives for the holidays. *shrug* Evidently, my husband wasn't keeping track of his money.

But that's neither here nor there, the reality is, I expect to be paid for my work. And it was a lot of work. Hyperlinking the table of contents took over 4 hours, alone. (Over 100 chapters.) And mama has bills to pay. Where is the check? Where is the author? My boss says in 15 years she's only had one client not pay and then she sued and garnished his wages. This author isn't even in the US. Ugh. I want to throw a tantrum like a little kid, stamp my feet, roll on the floor, flail my arms and legs while I sob...I....want....my.....mo...on....ney...!!!! WAAAAH! *sigh*

Hopefully my new project won't take as long--I already send the edits back to the author for review and corrections--I hope to get it back this week for proofreading, then I need to fix some photos, lay it out for print, get a proof, and then e-format for e-reader publication then invoice. But today? Today I'm just going through a manuscript that is having issues being accepted by a particular e-book e-tailer (every book with them is a pain in the ass, honestly, you'd think it's rocket science), so I'm just going through the formatting taking out anything problematic. It's over 500 pages, so it will take a while.

Otherwise I ran errands, played with cats, read some magazines that came in the mail, and not a lot else. I was a slug, mostly, today. Some days are like that.

And I was hoping for snow today, but zip. Nada. No snow. Indeed, it's actually warmed up. Weird.

New Project

I've taken on a new project this week, something new and different for me that I haven't done since I edited a manuscript on the life of a salmon for a class in college. It's non-fiction, medical/science based, and will be in the APA style, which is the style with which I am least familiar. Fortunately it is a small book, about 100 pages, and the topic is one I find interesting, and the woman who wrote it is very sweet--we've spoken by phone--and I'm happy to put this together for her.

It's nice to have income always coming in just over the horizon.

I'm still getting the $200- monthly payments from the first book; it doesn't come with any regularity, it just shows up...whenever. *rolleyes*

The book I finished in December I haven't been paid for. Every day, I slog out to the mail box, hoping for a check, and every day it isn't there. I quit going every day, now I go every other day or every third day. It's too depressing. It wouldn't be so bad if my husband weren't riding my ass because he's covering all the bills (like *I* never did that for him. *snort*), and I have no money of my own to pay my bills or go or do anything that I'd like, within reason. It's depressing. I hope to eventually have enough work that money will constantly be coming in from finished projects, but I'm not there yet. We had a phone conference this morning and there is work coming, a lot of work, any day, I hope I can wait it out. It's not like there are any *real* jobs here (I mean that pay more than $25K a year). Most of the upper management/professional positions seem to be people who transferred here with their company from another state. Considering that this state does not value education and the rate of high school drop outs is high, I'm not surprised by large organizations' hesitation to hire professionals who are locals.

Well, time to go wait for the mail man some more. *sigh*

Carving Out a Life

I always thought that to accomplish something, to learn or make a living, that it should be hard and painful and I should hate it. When I graduated from high school, I wanted to do the whole take a year off and backpack through Europe thing--even though I didn't have a clue how to do that--but my parents insisted that I go to community college so I could stay on the health insurance. I really wasn't sure what that was all about, but assumed it had something to do with the braces I still had on my teeth. (I was 17 when I graduated).

My father took us on a road trip--I don't remember where we were going or who was with us except he and my step-mother--but it was the summer before college and I was going through the catalog and class schedule for my first year at community college as I rode along in the back of the van. And I remember trying to make sure that I had classes every day of the week, because I didn't want my dad to think I was slacking, even though that's what I really wanted to do.

I didn't have a car, hell I didn't have a driver's license until I was twenty, so I would be taking the bus to college--two buses in fact. I also got a job at the May Co, which was a high end department store before they went bust a few years ago. Think of a sort of Macy's West. I worked there four years.

At any rate, by the end of October, I'd had it with school. I was bored, tired, angry, frustrated, and rebelling like a mutherfucker, so I just quit going. My step-brother, who had moved back home at twenty-six so he could finish college, asked me one day if I was taking the day off or if I was done with school. I told him I was done, never thinking that he'd report this directly to my parents. It wasn't a good time.

But all my life, I've taken jobs because I thought I was supposed to, that my dreams were foolish, and work should be shitty, aggravating, and hard. And I also never felt really qualified to do anything other than be a busy little bee in the hive.

And then college. First, I graduated from communicty college. I worked full time most of the way through, and it took me four years, but I got that AA, something I had long considered unattainable. That I was not good enough and that I didn't deserve it. Fallout of being an ADHD child who was passed among family members like a used Kleenex--if my parents didn't want me? Who the hell would? That was the lesson I learned--never good enough.

Then my counselor at the JC I graduated from suggested I apply to USC. She said I would be surprised what they could do for me financially. I thought she was crazy, but I did, I applied. I also applied to Cal-State LA and UCLA, the other local colleges. I was living in Pasadena, CA at the time.

UCLA rejected me but I was accepted to UC Riverside. Great if I wanted to live in heat and smog. Ugh. My life and job were in Pasadena even if I didn't already hate the Inland Empire. (I found out later that UCLA only took 10% of transfer students--2,000 out of 20,000 applicants. That took some of the sting away). But USC did accept me (they accepted 29% of all applicants). And they threw a pile of money at me in the form of grants. So I went. For two years. Then my life imploded and my depression increased and I got to the point where I didn't want to leave the house.

A few years later, head more firmly screwed on, goals clearer, I transferred to Chico State in Northern California. They had an editing certificate program. I had long loved editing, doing papers and resumes for friends over the years, but never thought about making a living doing it. With support from my boyfriend / husband, I discovered I loved school, loved editing a lot, and that there was a possibility I could make a career out of doing something I loved. What an exciting concept.

I graduated in 2008, and the economy went to shit shortly thereafter. There weren't any jobs for love or money. Not even shitty, soul-stealing, cubicle jobs. And my dream of working publishing got ill, then went to ICU, then died completely.

Until a chance meeting with a woman who had just started a publishing company with a friend. We traded cards, had a few meetings, and in August, I was offered a position as a project manager and editor. I just completed my fourth book for them, a high-tech science fiction novel. The author lives in New Zealand, so all of our interactions were done via email.

His book was fantastic--the story was there, it had good bones, it just needed to be fleshed out. And that's what I did. It's published now, and this is part of the email I received back from him in response to my email that his book was availabale for sale:

 Thanks so much for all the work on this. The book is so much 
stronger from your insightful, fantastic help...ps: did I mention 
you're brilliant?...I love the work you did on the novel. 
Just wanted to mention it again.

I'm doing what I love, and I'm getting paid for it. I work at home in my pajamas. And I can live off of that compliment for, well, the next year (with a nod to Mark Twain). I hope it lasts. *happiness*