Far From Luck by Charles O'Hay

I'm delighted to announce the release of my first fully produced and edited book, Far From Luck by the fabulous poet, Charles O'Hay.

Here is a video of him reading three of the poems from FFL. Every one a gem. If you don't have a copy, but would like one, you can get a paperback at Amazon.com, or as an ebook for Kindle; Smashwords for various ereader formats including iPad; and BarnesandNoble.com for Nook. 



And this also. (You may need headphones to hear it properly.) Photos are from his just released poetry collection, Far From Luck.

Work. Lots and Lots of Work.

Which hasn't left me much time for blogging. Plus, I'm reevaluating my presence on the Internet. I'm not one who ever desired to be famous or in the news; indeed, I'd always felt that if I somehow managed to pull off, say, a bestselling novel, I would be my generation's J.D. Salinger, a noted recluse. So, that's been on my mind.

And authors. Lots and lots of authors. I just closed a deal today for a client in New Zealand, and I'm close to closing another deal with an author in Southern California--the contract needs to be tweaked a bit to meet their specifications (the publisher is handling that); a favorite author/poet of mine and who I have been editing and producing his ebook and now his print on demand (i.e., paper) book is going to launch, *fingerscrossed* this weekend;  and lastly, an author I've been hand-holding and trying to close a deal on for about a month or so stood me up for a meeting, yesterday, and that we had only planned the night previous, saying they "had been at the dentist and forgot. I'm so sorry." I had gotten cleaned up and dressed and drove to the coffee shop on four hours of sleep--I didn't want to go, but I did.

Huh. Not cool.

This author was already on a "mail only" program after previous shenanigans, but after my priority mail envelope to her came back to me because I did not have the right apartment number (think 905 vs. 9055, and yeah, the dumbass post office did send it back to me), and she was feeling anxious about the edits (she didn't want her document edited in Word using track changes--she wants them on paper, which I'm fine with, but takes longer). She tried to get me to meet her husband at 8:45 this morning, but I was firm that I would mail it and that it was no big deal for me to do.  Needless to say, her project is not #1 on my list of things to work on.

I wake up in the morning, and I have a life to get up to. I usually leave myself a list or work stacked up on my desk so that when I do wake up, bleary-eyed and dazed (I've been like that all my life) and so I won't get sucked into reading every fucking blog or news site on the Internet, but limit that for later in the day.

And coffee. Lots of coffee.

I could  never do this if I were in school. I rarely even think about it.

I'm learning new technologies and programs almost on a daily basis. And I'm either discovering these technologies and / or teaching them to myself. It's exhilarating. The days go by very quickly. I'm doing something I love, even when it's frustrating. Finally.

Well, That Was Nice

I did get an email from my advisor late last night, but just read it today. She was very kind, and said she was sorry to see me go, but understood that if I had found my dream job in this economy I should grab it. She also addressed my difficulty with the online program--she said it just does not work for some people. The professors had indicated that our cohort was "exceptional," so they're sorry to lose me.

I wish I could be as exceptional as they "thought" I was. I just don't have it in me. I felt like I was trapped in one of those snow globes, and it had been shaken, and information was raining down on me from every direction, swirling around my head, and me, unable to take in any of the information. That's how I felt.

I'm happy with the direction things are going with my life, however. My anxiety level has slowly gone down this week, mostly because big name author is not upset and I still have a job. I've said it other places and to other people--I'm an easy frazzle. I frazzle easily and quickly. I know that about myself.  I cannot work and go to school--as I've aged, and my health as deteriorated, I cannot work and go to school. My body and my psyche just can't handle it. I thought this time I would figure it out as I went. HA!

Just going forward from here on. Nothing else I can do. Feeling good about the choices I've made.

***

Response to comment from HD (for some reason, I cannot leave comments on my own blog. Urgh!)

I was just consistently lost--I didn't feel engaged or a part of something, which is odd because I have taken online classes before, but only one at a time--not a whole program. And the online classroom environments were clunky and difficult to maneuver in, and I screwed up regularly. Really rough on the ol' self-esteem.

I wanted it so much, I didn't really think about the logistics as much. I just thought it would be "fine." 

WRONG.

I don't know if I'll ever go for an advanced degree. I was in school one way or another for 27 years--not including high school--and I think I might actually be tired of school. Imagine that. *snort*

Thanks for letting me make up my own mind.

XO

Just Browsing?

Before I get to today's blog post topic, the big name author was TOTALLY understanding about the problems with the formatting of his ebook. *huge exhale*  He's a college professor who teaches, well, one of those "out there" sciences at a major university, and is smarter than five regular people put together, and gets that this is a new technology and that there are going to be glitches sometimes. Hallelujah, i.e., I'm not in trouble. *whew*

So on to today's blog post.

I've been "wooing" a new author that was handed to me by one of our publishers; she thought the novel was right up my alley, and she's right. I had my fourth in-person meeting with that author yesterday, AND her husband, who has been at every meeting but one, AND who keeps trying to sell me a shake product for weight loss. *sigh* I finally just told him I couldn't afford it. And you know that at some point it would turn into "we'll trade you product for services." Uh, no.

We spoke by phone last week, and I said she and her husband should sit down, crunch the numbers, and figure out what kind of payment plan they could come up with and we would meet this week and draw up a contract. We normally don't do payments, but because this gal is local, and works for a high-profile government office, the level of trust is much higher than it would be for someone over the Internet.

I drove across town--1/4 tank of near $4- a gallon of gas worth, and this is the second time I have, the other two meetings were downtown--again, I've also bought her a lunch at a very nice restaurant. So I'm already losing money. Yes, I can write it off my taxes next year, but right now it's coming straight out of my pocket.

So I drive across town, again, yesterday and they are completely unprepared. They have not talked, they have not crunched numbers, they don't even know what editorial services they want.

???

The husband wanted to know what kind of down payment I was expecting--and we had mentioned 25% before--he wanted to know if "$50- bucks could get it started."  Uh, no. There are a few things we can bill for, but content editing is not one of them.

So, from now on, with this client, meetings are over the phone or email only until they are ready to go. It's like going car shopping without a dime in the bank. Or looking at diamonds or $300- handbags at Coach:  You tell the salesperson, "I'm just browsing." That way, no ones' time get's wasted. Or money.

For crying out loud. Lesson learned.

Sucker Punch

Today started out with a forwarded email (to me) from one of the owner's of the company I work for. It was from a well-known publishing house in the UK and they ripped, I mean, it was nasty, ripped apart the ebook we did for big name author. We already knew that somehow the formatting was screwed up. I had discovered two chapter twos--before I uploaded it for sale--and removed it and cleaned it up. The two owners and myself agreed that the level of nastiness comes from a place of fear and possibly jealousy--the publishing world is shifting, and the big publishers are not sure how they fit into this new paradigm.

We're not sure exactly how it happened. I do know this, I've known it for years and it really hit home the last few months:  Microsoft Word has a mind of its own.

It does.

Saturday, I worked on the manuscript. I inserted ~~~~ into all non-chapter breaks in the novel (by request). I did a find/search in the document to make sure that each one was centered, one space before and one after, 12 pt, not bold. (And did you know that paragraphs markers can have a font size? Me neither.)  Satisfied, I saved and renamed the document (every time I make a change, the file name gets a new number, in numerical order. It just helps to find a document and keep track.)

I finished the search, thought it looked good, then decided to scroll through the document and look at each and every page--over 500--to see if anything anomalous jumped out at me.  Guess what I found two of, left justified, not centered? Yep, the non-chapter break, ~~~~.  I had done find/search of the whole document, fixed them all, and saved it, and two of those fuckers moved themselves back to the left side of the document. That is the kind of shit that can make the average person, let alone an editor/formatter/manager, totally batshit crazy.

I also found a chapter heading that had changed its font from Times New Roman to Garamond all on its own--after I had done a ctrl/A (highlight) of the entire document and changed the font to Times New Roman and then re-sized all the chapter title fonts.

So it is possible that although I removed the duplicate chapter, it may have added itself back in. It is not outside of the realm of possibility after some of the wacky shit I've seen Word pull. Seriously.

Also, there is the possibility that although I thought I removed it, it did not get removed, and my three subsequent search/find for key words / sentences from the chapter involved only showed up once; but after it was uploaded, they were back in there. Only I didn't know. One assumes that after one saves that no further changes will be made. Well, Microsoft schooled me.

I'm still waiting for the two owners to tell me they don't need me anymore. They did major butt-smooching to the author and the person who purchased the book and complained, and then sent them a free, clean copy.

Also, I offered to have either one of them review the document before I uploaded it back in August, and they both declined. This was only my first project for the business, and they trusted me to get it right--their biggest client ever, they gave to the new gal, and then didn't review it. So there's that.  And, oh yeah, no training. A list of directions, a "have at it" attitude, and answers to my emails--mostly.

This morning, I offered to take all the blame, i.e., "fall on my sword," but the owner told me that although that made her smile, she was the project manager for the book, and she would take the responsibility.

Lastly, the other owner commented that all Word docs need to be ran through a third-party formatting program to seal in the changes, otherwise Word could go a little buck wild.  That was not in the instructions I was given--it said, "site x and site z accept Word documents just fine."  Huh.

So I've been rattled, and a nervous wreck all day. Hell, for the last few days. So much of how I want my life to look revolves around this job. My husband asked me what I would do if I were indeed canned, and I said, well, I know a helluva lot more about epublishing than I did two months ago, I can always start my own business. But I don't really want to do that. And I really like the two ladies I'm working for--they have so much they can teach me and we all have so much in common and I consider them friends as well as mentors / bosses.

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.

And on the other hand, my former editing professor responded today to an email I wrote him the other day, with these kind words--and he's not the kind of person who would say nice things if he doesn't mean them:

Thanks for the update—and congratulations on the new job! It sounds like a perfect fit for you. I’m so happy that you found the kind of job you wanted. It’s rare in this economy, but your perseverance paid off. I love it that you’re able to work in various phases of the publishing process, from working with authors to formatting ebooks. That takes advantage of all your skills and will keep the job interesting.

A counterbalance for the sucker punch? Almost. I just feel as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I forwarded it to the owners' just in case, you know, toot my own horn and so on.

And lastly, my grad school advisor has not written me back in response to my email to her that I was quitting. This is a woman who previously answered my emails no matter what time I sent them right away--including 4am. (She's on the east coast, so she's 3 hours before my time).

Additionally, the note I left for my classmates with my email address did not elicit one response. I thought there would be one, maybe two emails, but nothing.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, so I should take my sorry, anxious ass to bed.

It's Done

I dropped my two classes (I was never sure if they were 3 or 4 unit classes); I wrote my advisor; and I posted a farewell on one of the class discussion boards. Since the program is cohort driven, I had all the same people in both classes, so I only need to post on the one message board. I left my email if anyone wanted to stay in touch, but I'm not sure we knew each other long enough or well enough to do that, but we'll see. I'm open to anything.

The last day to "drop" was September 6, so I'm not exactly sure what the fallout will be for me, although I'm sure it won't be in my favor. I am concerned about that, but I am not overwhelmed with it. We'll see how that develops.

There is some sadness with my withdrawal from the program, but no regret. I don't see myself taking any more classes with an eye to a degree, although I certainly would take classes, and probably will, for personal or professional development. I have so many interests, that a ten lifetimes wouldn't be enough to study all the things that I want to study in depth.

As for this blog, I'm going to keep it. I like the voice I've found here, and the tone, and I love the template (murple); I'm not sure what I'll be writing about if not school, but I'll just take it one day at a time for now. I hope you'll stay with me.

Let's see where we go.

Post-Decision

I haven't really had time to think, absorb, or feel anything about my decision to drop out of grad school. My job is as a project manager / editor for a publishing company, and today I was juggling four authors and their needs. And I spent ALL day at it.

Even if I wanted to continue with school, I don't think I would have the time even if I weren't already unhappy. I spent the day tweaking and making adjustments and taking notes, emailing and phoning, formatting and uploading and editing--and I loved it.

Grad school never once crossed my mind, today.

I don't feel regret, guilt, or shame. I don't even feel like I've made a right choice, really. I just know that this other thing--work--keeps me very busy and I enjoy doing it.

Simple as that.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." -- Steve Jobs